Normal Lives: An Alphabet Challenge
by holdeverysong
Summary: Sure, Sam and Dean hardly live normal lives. But they do have normal moments here and there This fic focuses on those moments. SamOFC, DeanOFC.
1. Chapter 1: I Got Lost in the Sound

**A is for Amuck**

I had always loved that no matter where Sam, Dean, Chloe and I were, we always seemed to find a way to have fun. No matter the hellish adventures we'd been through beforehand, we'd get ourselves back to the hotel room, or wherever it was we were staying at the time, and find a video game or…something to do to keep us occupied. That night, it was only Sam and I, since Dean had gone to some bar and Chloe was probably with him, I pictured them doing shots or whatever--Chloe tripping all over herself, but still refusing Dean's advances. The funny thing was, they'd probably forget it in the morning.

I looked at the TV screen in the cheap hotel room we were staying at that night, and half-smiled. Sam was playing some bloody, gory, violent video game. His eyes were fixated on the screen as he made the character shoot at a zombified lion, then turn and run in the other direction as the lion became pissed off. Sam was one of a kind. Really. No matter how hellish (literally and non-literally) our lives were, he could always take solace (though I'd hardly call killing virtual zombified lions and toppling virtual evil Corporations bent on world domination solace) in those video games. He really was a nerd.

I took a seat on the bed, noting inwardly that it was my turn to sleep there tonight. See, when we stayed in hotel rooms like this, with two little single beds that were too short for Sam and Dean to sleep on without their feet hanging off the edge, we alternated nights in said beds. Sam and Dean got them the first night, and then we swapped. Chloe and I slept on them the next night. Simple traditions that seemed like nothing to me at that point--just things that needed to be done to get by…seem to stick out in my head now. But that's beside the point. I sat on the bed and looked at Sam, who was completely wrapped in running from the lion. "Don't we get enough of that on the job?"

Sam's eyebrows furrowed a little more and he reluctantly turned his attention toward me. Retrospectively, that's one of the most fun things about Sam. His facial expressions and body language. You could, and still can, almost always tell what he's thinking and why he's thinking it. He just gives off these vibes, and it's really easy to read him. Right then, he was pretty much dead-set on killing that zombie-lion, and when I snagged his attention, a little tinge of annoyance crossed his face as his character fell to the ground, dead. "Well, this is mindless. It's different. Plus, I can't get two black eyes and a blood nose from here. When are Dean and Chloe getting back, anyway? Or at least Dean. We were supposed to play together."

I chuckled. Boys would be boys, I supposed. "I'll play with you…" I smiled. I was quite the video game aficionado, and I could always help/take down either of the boys when they asked/challenged me. Sam never admitted it, though, so he always tried to avoid playing with or against me. I found that relatively amusing.

Sam looked from the controller beside him on the bed, to me, then back to the controller. He was debating. I could tell. Handing me the controller meant that he admitted that he needed my help. And as much as he liked to deny it, he was just as stubborn as Dean in that respect. Never needed a woman's help with anything. Especially not video games. But this time, he gave in and handed me the controller. "This is ONLY because you killed me and owe me the help now."

I laughed. "I killed you?" I shook my head.  
"Yes." He responded simply.  
"As if! You were on your way there before I even came into the room!" I scoffed. "I saw you dragging your 'red caution' ass around, clinging to your last thread of Resident Evil life!"  
He watched me pick my character, rolled his eyes, then picked his own. "I just…it's on hard mode!"

I laughed. Sam NEVER played on hard mode. Especially considering he could never win, even on easy mode. "Right. Hard mode. You keep telling yourself that, Sammy."  
"Why do you ALWAYS pick Cindy? Don't you think you'd wanna be a tougher, male character?" he asked as he picked his character, Kevin, the 'rough and tumble cop with a heart of gold.' Convenient.

I made Cindy, the waitress, run around a corner and down a zombie in one shot, then shrugged my shoulders. "I seem to do all right with Cindy," I mused as I watched Sam struggling with another zombie, then rushed over and downed the creature in one shot. "Waitresses have to fend off jackasses like Dean all the time. Zombies should be nothing…"

I saw a small grin spread across Sam's adorable puppy dog looking face. "This is true. The zombies put up less of a fight…" he made the character take a shot at a zombie and then walked over to help one of our other partner characters stand, as they'd fallen on the floor.

Things went quiet between us for a second, other than commands of 'go over there!' or 'shoot the bastard!' as we handled a boss fight, then I glanced sideways at Sam, chuckling a bit. "You know, I'm glad we deal with the type of shit we deal with? Corporations like Umbrella would really…freak me out. I'd be tempted to punch Wesker's sub-human face in…"

"And break your fist in the process?" Sam added with a slight laugh as he fired at an explosive barrel, knocking half-a-dozen zombies onto the floor with that one shot.

I laughed, too, though I was hardly amused at the fact that I was in the line-of-fire on the explosion. My character pulled herself off the ground, and I immediately brought her health back to 'fine' condition. "Something like that…" I said as I returned the favor and blew his character back, sending him from 'fine' to 'danger.' "Oops…" I half-smiled.

He scoffed and healed his character. "Oops, my ass!" he spoke in an agitated tone, as the boss we'd just beaten busted through a wall and took both his and my character to the floor, along with our other two partner characters. "I wonder what would city they'd take first if they were real, though…"

I laughed, then thought for a second. "Probably some big city that no one really thinks about. Like Cincinnati. Who ever thinks of Cincinnati? An attack like that would put the place on the map…" I ran a hand through my hair. "And, don't you think that maybe, eventually, all these people would get suspicious of all the freaking radiation leaks? Seems as though our characters are the only ones with any idea…"

He laughed. "Right?" he asked as he looked at the clock. "Two-thirty? Damn, how are Dean and Chloe going to drag themselves out of bed in the morning?" he asked as he leaned forward and switched the Playstation2 off. "It was Dean, after all, who said 'We leave at nine o'clock; no earlier or later…'" he quipped as he lay back on the bed, preparing to go to sleep.

I scoffed and prepared to boot him off, when I realized that, since Dean and Chloe hadn't gotten home yet, I could stretch out on the other bed. They snooze, they lose. "They'll probably stumble in at about four a.m., and Chloe will try to kick you out of bed…"

"Either that or, like, climb in with me…" he chuckled, then lay against the wall, flicking off the light switch. "Good night, Rhys."

And in that moment, I, Rhys Griffith, was jealous. Jealous of my verybestfriend for possibly getting a chance to sleep in the same bed as my other verybestfriend. Stupid reason to be jealous, especially considering that I knew that Chloe and Sam had no interest in one another--whatsoever--and, oh yeah. I didn't like Sam.

What? I didn't! So not my type! Who would want to date a guy with an emotional side, who you could cry with, instead of cry to? Who wanted to date a guy who loved kids, and always laughed and enjoyed with you when you passed by a playground with kids playing? Not me. Seriously! I didn't--I don't…like Sam. No. Not me.

I don't think…


	2. Chapter 2: Blue Skies Fade to Gray

**B is for Bric-a-Brac**

It's an odd sensation, really, when you see someone you thought you knew, through and through, good and bad, doing something you didn't expect. I knew Dean Winchester pretty well. I was his drinking buddy. We were best friends, thick and thin. The only person I was sure knew him better than I did was Sam. But, being that Sam was his brother, that was to be expected. I walked past Sam and Rhys as they made their way out of the front door of the hotel room du-jour, and started into the hotel, after a nice, calm day of shopping. Yes. Shopping. Because although I was a hunter, I was also a girl. And as such, I liked to look good after a long day when Dean and I hit the bars. And after I shopped, it was back to wherever we were staying for r-and-r, and then the bar with Dean.

The past couple of days had been rough, and we were staying a couple extra in Springettsbury, Pennsylvania and after a long, long week of hunting down a demon who had actually possessed the chief of police, we were long overdue for relaxation. Rhys and Sam had gone out to a movie or something. They'd heard that 'Skeleton Key' was playing and wanted to see how close it actually came to resembling hoodoo. Dean was somewhat worse for wear--he'd broken his wrist in a battle between he and a secretary for a gun, and been hit in the head before I got the chance to exorcise the demon. The three of us had minor bumps and bruises, but Dean…had just had a rough time, that time around. So, I knew he'd be more than glad to hit the bar with me.

But before I even got through the door, as it was cracked open a little, I saw Dean, immersed in what looked like some kind of…photo album. I took care to close the door carefully behind me, then headed toward him. As I got closer, I saw that it was, in fact, a photo album. I was actually quite surprised, since Dean wasn't that big on sharing emotions--at least not constantly. But he looked pretty lost in whatever state of nostalgia had brought him to this photo album. I took a couple of steps closer to him and reached my hand out. "What ya looking at?" I asked him with a shrug, watching as he jumped and whirled around.

Not a lot of people understood Dean Winchester. But, that was to be expected. He didn't like to let them understand him. He liked to…act like an open book without BEING an open book. I know that doesn't make any sense. It makes less sense to me, and I've known the guy for a decade or so. But he didn't like to be known. Sam was an anomaly among Winchester males, to be honest, because he really liked being known. That was the difference between my friendship with Dean and Rhys' with Sam. Sam and Rhys talked about everything. Dean and I talked about cars and drinking and singing karaoke at bars together. I was his 'forget it all' friend.

But at the same time, from time to time, I would see this little sparkle of sadness in his eyes. Like, loneliness. I understood and it made perfect sense to me, given that the life we led was a lonely one. But, it was more than that. He'd been through a lot. More than a soul should, at his age. He'd seen most of his family and friends die, and was left with only Sam, Rhys and myself…and showed no one his vulnerability. That was-just too much for one person to take. I was shocked that he hadn't disassociated himself from everyone he knew. Heaven knows in his position, I would have done so. I put my hand on his arm and watched as he jumped, then whirled around. "You were so far out there that I don't think you even noticed Sam and Rhys leaving…"

He practically jumped out of his skin and looked at me like I had two heads. "Jesus, Chloe! You scared the shit out of me!" he snapped the photo album shut and bit his lower lip.

I raised an eyebrow. "Sorry…" I turned and walked toward the bathroom. "I'll be in the shower, so if you decide you want to talk, you'll have to wait a few."

He grabbed my arm with the hand not in the cast and turned me around. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me, but…that would just be…really weird. Sure, we'd kissed before. Plenty of times, actually. But it was always after drunken nights out, and we were both way too plastered to care. And we always forgot about it, too. It went along with being too plastered to care, I suppose. He didn't kiss me, though. Thankfully. He looked me in the eye and sighed sadly. "I'm sorry, Chloe. I'm just…"

"A bit up in arms about what happened yesterday, I get it…" I nodded. At least I thought I got it.

"No. Today's November second. Sam and Rhys went to do some…Sam and Rhys like ceremony together to honor my mother, but…I couldn't go. I just…" he turned and looked at the photo album. "I don't know. It's just…really hard this year."

And in that second, I felt like a grade A ass. "I'm…sorry, Dean. Want to just go for a walk? Maybe something will come to you, and you'll…feel better? I don't know…" I wasn't good at this type of thing. Maybe that was why I was that 'hanging out' friend to Dean. Made sense. He'd probably say that he'd just as soon look at his pictures and forget all about our 'Thursday night bar fest.' But that was okay.

He looked, though, like he was actually thinking about it. And when he spoke again, I think my jaw was permanently fixated in the 'shock' position. "Yeah. I think that would be nice. Thanks, Chloe…"

Okay, so…that was weird. Dean and I were going for a…walk. We hadn't just gone for a walk since…neither of us were legal to drink and Rhys and Sam were too young for us to drink anyway. But, I went with it and slung my handbag back over my shoulder, then changed from my heels into a pair of flats, and waited for Dean. I wasn't sure what to say, so I started with, "And then afterward? Thursday Night BarFest starts…" half-smiled.

He didn't say much, just sort of gave me this half-cocked smile that suggested that he was almost at his breaking point. But I stood from the bed and walked up beside him, noticing that he still had the photo album in his hand. Curiosity was bothering me. How had family photos survived the Yellow Eyed Demon's fire? How could it be family photos? I wasn't sure, but…maybe if I just let him be, he'd show me. I held the door open for him and smiled. But my smile wasn't returned, as we made our way out the door. He was really…not himself today.

We walked for fifteen minutes in complete silence, Dean just staring off into nothingness, clutching the photo album and acting…very Sam. He was kind of freaking me out. But I wasn't about to tell him that. I simply walked with him, following his lead. We wound up walking clear through the center of town, not stopping at any bar as I'd expected us to, and going to the creek on the outskirts of town. Before you say anything, it wasn't a REALLY long walk. Only long enough to surprise me. But, I followed. I don't even think he was paying attention to where we were going. I think, had there not been water in the way, he would have just continued on. But he stopped, turned and looked to see a fallen down tree in the distance.

The tree itself stood higher off the ground than I was tall, so I watched Dean set the photo album up on the thick branch and climb himself up, then sit down. I turned around and leaned my shoulders against the tree, relaxing a little. "So…after that long, looming silence that lasted throughout all of Springettsbury, you ready to talk to me?" This really, really wasn't the Dean I'd known since high school. The Dean that made jokes about any and everything. But then, I took into account the date, and what had happened today, and it made sense.

His eyes snapped down to me and he cleared his throat. "No…not yet. Can we just…sit here? I mean…I know I'm not acting like me, but…" he ran a hand through his hair, then reached that same hand down to help me up onto the fallen tree.

I took his hand, then climbed onto one of the branches that reached the ground, climbing up and sitting somewhat near him. "I understand…" I replied simply. It was hard to act yourself when it was the anniversary of a life changing event like it was for he and Sam. I put my hand on his arm and watched him jump a little, then my eyebrow went up. This was…weird. Really weird, actually. I cleared my throat and watched the river flow out to the dam. I didn't expect him to open up at all, anyway.

But after a few more minutes of awkward silence, he spoke, in something of a shaky tone. "You ever notice how fast things change?" he asked, his face not turning toward mine, his gaze seemingly fixated on the water. "Things…and people?"

This…was confusing. Dean was scaring me. "Yeah. It happens all the time, though. I mean…Sam went from the happy go lucky brother that you never spoke to…to your best friend. After…well, you know. Big events change people. It's not abnormal, you know?" I wasn't sure if Dean and I were still on the same process of thought here, but I'd follow this road wherever it led me.

He nodded. "Yeah," he shrugged. He didn't have much to say. But that was just how he was. Ever an enigma. So many levels to him that even after knowing him for ten years, I still had only an inkling as to what went on in the inner machinations of his mind. An inkling, however, is more than most people could say. Even Sam wasn't entirely sure about Dean most of the time. "Ever wonder why people change so much, though?"

I raised an eyebrow. He still wasn't looking at me. "People need to change. I mean, think about it. If we hadn't changed? Hadn't at least tried to be better people," I spoke in a smiling tone, since Dean and I knew we were hardly wholesome. "I don't think Sam and Rhys would want to be around us, you know? People change, but most of the time it's a good thing…"

He finally looked at me and nodded his head. "Yeah, you're right. But I mean, if there's a point in your life where you feel like things are going so awesome, and then something comes and changes all of it…I mean, that isn't changing for the better. Why does that type of shit have to happen?"

Somehow, I got the feeling that we weren't talking about his mother anymore, though I hadn't the vaguest idea what we were talking about. I ran a hand through my hair and looked at him, an eyebrow cocked. "I don't know, Dean. I'd give you the 'everything happens for a reason' schpiel, but I know you hate that. All I can tell you…hell, I don't even know what to tell you. But I will tell you that…no matter what changes, I'll still be around. I know I'm no prize, and you must have lost some contest from hell…but…you know you have me."

He looked at me and smiled slightly, that little Dean Winchester grin that signified that what I'd said had at least started to get through. "Want to see what I was looking at?" he asked, pulling the photo album out and setting it on both of our laps, opening it up.

I looked eagerly at the album, and my eyebrow raised when I saw that it wasn't their mother, or family photos at all. It was those stupid pictures that he, Sam, Rhys and I took all the time when we were on the road or in hotel rooms. On the very first page was a picture I'd snapped from outside the window of the Impala, of Dean, sunglasses over his nose, trying to decipher a map. I'd called his attention and he looked at me, annoyance evident on his face, and his eyes had been twisted in this…odd, almost inhuman look. I'd captured the photograph at the perfect moment, and Rhys, Sam and I fell into a fit of giggles. "I remember that. You were so mad at me…until I promised you free drinks that night."

He laughed. "And I ordered the most expensive ones on the menu…" he pointed to another one of Sam and Rhys. They'd fallen asleep on the same bed, which was a rare occurrence--mainly because Rhys wouldn't let it, but when it happened, it was obvious that they were made for one another. Rhys' head was on Sam's shoulder and her arm was draped over his chest, while his was wrapped around her waist. I had to take the chance and snap that picture. "I think Sammy was paranoid for the next week after you took this one."

I laughed. "Blackmail of the best kind. Oh, wow…you kept that one?" I asked as my eyes went to a photo of myself that Rhys had taken. She said she'd given it to Dean, and told him to 'use it well.' It was of me, when Rhys and I had gone shopping, modeling my favorite outfit of the day (conveniently the one I was wearing right then), and I think I actually looked somewhat like a model. I liked the photo. And that was saying something. Because I usually hated my pictures, even if I consented them. "You said you were gonna throw it away…" I chuckled.

He shrugged and cleared his throat, turning the page quickly. His eyes widened and he tried to flip the page quickly, but I wouldn't let him. I stuck my hand on the page and he cleared his throat again. "Um. That's not…um…"

I glanced at the picture he'd been covering. Our prom picture. The one night I'd convinced Dean to be a high-school student, rather than a hunter-in-training. "Wow. You still have that?" I asked, running my hand along the gloss and looking at our expressions. We'd left the dance early that night. Went out and gotten some liquor from a guy on a street corner, gone out to the trestle and drank all of it…and yes, we'd had sex that night. It definitely wasn't the last time, either. We'd been friends with benefits since that day. "So can't believe you kept that."

Dean shrugged and bit his lower lip. "It was a good night. I…" he shrugged. "I had fun."

I half-smiled and looked out at the water, shrugging my shoulders. "Me too, Dean. Me too." I was still confused as to what was bothering him, but now, I was glad I'd come out here with him…


	3. Chapter 3: But I'm Better With a Pen

**C is for Crow**

One of the things that Rhys and I had in common was our intricate ability to write out any and everything we were thinking. We did that sometimes. Just sat and wrote. Dean and Chloe would be out…being Dean and Chloe, and we'd be back in the hotel room or wherever we were, scribbling down thoughts or, on our more artsy days, drawing them. I'd describe and Rhys would draw. This was one of the earlier types. I really didn't know what to write today, so my thoughts had poured into a semi-freeform paragraph, documenting my feelings over the past few days. It sort of poured off the pen in a jumble of words…I wasn't even sure if it made much sense.

_In myths, there's love for beauty, love for mind and love for kindness. Most myths cover the three of them separate, but never together. Mythical romances were asthetical only. But when you find someone that you really love, heart and soul, mind and spirit, you should be able to just tell them. It should be not so much like a mythical romance, but a romance novel romance. True lovers, destined for one another…but there's always that one dramatic flaw._  
_My one dramatic flaw? Well, I know what it is. But, no one else does. No one else can or will. I guess I'm destined to live in loneliness, because she can never know._  
_After Jess, I thought I'd never love again, but it was like, all along, even before Jess came into my life--_

I paused and looked over my shoulder as I felt a shadow looming over me. Rhys was reading what I was writing? Jesus Christ, thank God I didn't write too many details, because…that would just be tragic. "Can I help you?" I asked as I half-hid the paper from her. Normally, Rhys and I read what one another wrote, but today was different. I'd never written about…her…before. Not during our little veg sessions. I looked up at the bemused look on her face and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You spelled 'aesthetical' wrong…" she pointed at the word and looked at me, all-knowingly. Rhys was something of a know-it-all. At least with English. And math--hell, she just knew everything. "And after 'really love,' between that and 'heart and soul?' There should be a semi-colon, not a comma…" she backed off.

And thus, I should have known better to fight her on this. But I did anyway. Because she ALWAYS won when it came to battles of the English language. She was smart, and it was great. But she should have been an English teacher instead of a hunter. "Aesthetical…well, if I spelled it wrong…how do you spell it?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her, leaving my piece uncorrected--well, I did change the comma to a semi-colon, because now that she mentioned it, it did make sense.

"A **E** s t h e t i c a l. The e is kinda silent…it's a common mistake, Sam. Don't feel bad…" she spoke as she ran her hand through her hair. I was glad she'd decided to grow it out again. It looked really good like that. But, why was I going off on the tangent of her hair? I was supposed to be arguing the point of…fuck, that hair was distracting.

I snapped myself out of it and cleared my throat. "That sounds like some whacked-out Rhys way of getting me to screw up…" I huffed. I hadn't spelled the word wrong. It looked right. It sounded right…I reached to my left and got the dictionary.

Rhys sat on the bed and shrugged her shoulders, continuing to work on her piece. "Suit yourself…" she picked her pen back up and started writing. Even her handwriting was perfect. Each letter like a meticulous art in itself. I tried not to chuckle out loud. "It's not my piece that--"

"I'm looking, I'm looking!" I interrupted her, looking for any word that began with 'ae.' I huffed. Sure enough, right in the middle of the page sat the word--spelled the way Rhys had spelled it. "Oh. Okay. Sorry…" I scribbled out the word with my pen and rewrote it above, then continued on with my piece, taking a quick glance at Rhys for inspiration.

_--she was there. It's odd that you don't see these things for ten years (wow, has it been ten years? That's insane.), but sometimes it just takes…one second of the light hitting someone the right way to see what was always there._  
_'You know that no matter what happens, I'm here, right, Sam?'_  
_That was the moment, right there. When it happened to me. Sitting on the rooftop of a ten-story building in Springettbury, Pennsylvania on November second, she spoke those words and it was kind of like…angels sang around her. Corny. I know. But, I wanted to tell her that I knew, and that I was there for her, too…but in that light, with that warm, welcoming face she was giving me; all I could do was nod._  
_One of a kind, that Rhys Griffith._

I glanced up to make sure she wasn't looking. I watched her eyes raise, and she gave me a small smile. And what I was writing--it was reaffirmed in that second.

_One of a kind, that Rhys Griffith. And I think I'm in love._


	4. Chapter 4: I'm Halfway Home

**D is for Diatribe**

I had a big mouth. I knew I did, but it was really hard to control what came out of it. Especially around Chloe. It wasn't my fault she turned me into a bumbling idiot, and I had no idea what I wanted to say when I was around her! Dude, it was ridiculous. I was normally…well, okay with words, at least. But when Chloe looked at me I went all verklempt. I felt like Sammy. I walked up to the door of the new hotel room, and I heard some crappy adult contemporary music or whatever category Jason Mraz (or whoever it was this time) fell into, emanating from the room, and I knew that Chloe was on one of her random music sprees. It sickened me that I even knew who that was, but…alas, I did.

I got closer to the door and heard her singing along, then peered through the window to see her standing in front of the mirror with her hairbrush in her hand. I grinned a little. Okay, so the music was tolerable. But that didn't mean I loved it like she did. I watched her sing--she'd always had a pretty decent voice. But it wasn't her voice that was grabbing my attention right then. It was her attire…her look. Just…her. Her hair, that look on her face as she grinned into the mirror, though her lips moved along with the words of 'Halfway Home,' just her. How did I even know the name of that song, anyway? It wasn't like I paid attention when she listened to that crap.

But…maybe I did. And I was sure as hell paying attention to her right then. Her hair looked like sun rays flowing off her head. I was enthralled. I snapped myself back to reality. This was Chloe. And Jason Mraz. I didn't like Jason Mraz's music, and I liked Chloe as a friend. Nothing more. Except for maybe an easy lay when we were both lonely. No. I couldn't reduce her to that, because she was a good person. A good woman with a good heart. She'd make some man really happy someday. And even if I did like her like that? She deserved better than me.

I went to open the door, but stopped myself when I realized that I was singing along. Shit. I'm glad I'd realized that before I opened the door. I looked at her and laughed, though I forced it to be sarcastic and condescending. "Shut that shit off, Chloe!" I told her as I kicked my shoes off.

Her head turned and she glared at me, running a hand through her hair and putting the brush on the table before her. "Fuck you, asshole. I'm not like Sam and Rhys. You can't tell me what music to play and when to play it…" she put her hand on her hip and practically spat at me.

Well, that wasn't the reaction I'd anticipated. But I certainly wasn't going to let her win. Especially not after she took that tone with me. "We listen to your shit all the time though! I think it's my turn!" I stood my ground, though that look on her face was almost enough to make me pop a boner in the middle of the hotel room. I suspected this would end that way, too. With me popping one and possibly Chloe and I fucking. No different than our usual argument. That was why we were such good friends, though. We didn't stay mad. We fucked it out.

"I hate that!" she glared at me. "I hate how you think that just because you're the oldest, you can fucking run us all by the hair on our asses. You're only a couple months older than me, dickhead. Get over yourself!" she turned back around and started fixing her hair in the mirror. Where was she going?

I hated that even though she was cursing at me, I really wanted to do nothing more than back her into the bed and fuck her brains out. "Jesus Christ, Chloe…what the hell crawled up your ass?" I walked up to the stereo and shut it off. "You're being such a bitch!"

She whirled back around and put her hand on her hip again. "You're a fuck, Dean. I swear to God, you're so fucking clueless it makes me sick."

I raised an eyebrow. "I guess I am, because I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

At this point, Sam and Rhys had made their way to the door, coming back from whatever they'd been doing. But that didn't stop Chloe from her bitch-fest. Oh, no. That would make things too simple. "Of course you don't. Fuck you, Dean, okay?" she had tears in the corners of her eyes, and I was starting to wonder what the hell I'd done wrong. "You're really fucking clueless, aren't you? Just…fucking leave me alone," she put on a pair of shoes and slung her handbag over her shoulder, then rushed out the door. Where in the hell was she going? It was Thursday. We were supposed to go to the bar and…I watched her head toward the bar we'd picked out.

Sam looked at me as though I'd shot a puppy. "What in the hell was that?" he pointed over his shoulder at Chloe. "What'd you do?"

My eyes widened and I glared at the accusing looks that Sam and Rhys were giving me. "Why is it, every time Chloe cries or bumps her head, or…what the fuck ever…it's all my fucking fault?" I growled. It really pissed me off, actually. Chloe couldn't hiccup without me being to blame for taking the air from her. It was pretty ridiculous.

Sam crossed his arms and looked down at me. Damn him for being so much taller than me. "Because it usually is," he spoke simply.

Rhys spoke up, and my head slumped. The Tweedle-Dum to Sam's Tweedle-Dee. "Dean…I know you don't know what you did…or if you did anything…neither do we," she elbowed Sam in the ribs lightly. "But, I mean, Chloe's always there for you, right? When something makes you upset?" she straightened her hair.

I nodded. But I always made it abundantly obvious what was upsetting me. Before I could say that, though, Rhys started speaking again. "You should go apologize…see if you can find out what's bothering her, Dean. She'd do it for you, you know?"

I sighed and nodded again, then looked a little closer at Sam and Rhys. They were dripping wet. It had turned into a veritable downpour from the moment I'd come through the door. Meaning…Chloe was walking to the bar in a downpour? And she'd known that when she left? I had to go find her. If, that is, she was still going to the bar we'd chosen. "I'll…be back…" I spoke simply as I grabbed my keys from the table in front of me. 


	5. Chapter 5: I Remember, Don't Worry

**E is for Esoteric**

I wasn't big on secrets. Really, for any good friendship or relationship, secrets could be killer. I believed that so much that between Sam and I, there was only one secret (well, two secrets, if you included…that). A secret that, if it came into the open, I wasn't sure if Sam and I could be the same. It was a secret I kept close to the vest. I tried not to even think about it, let alone say anything. But, it was that day. Sam had his day to be sad--sadder than usual--and I had mine. January seventeenth. The one day that Sam and I didn't walk home together our junior year.

It was that day. January seventeenth. I was sitting on a rock by a river we'd found in Savannah, Georgia, just thinking…trying to be alone. Trying to organize my thoughts so I could go back to the hotel and be normal for Sam. It made me laugh, really, how I rationalized almost everything I did as being done 'for Sam.' That was how I lived with it, I guess. Forget the lives I helped save, forget Chloe or Dean. It was all for Sam. But that was just how I lived. I just wish Sam had been there for me that night back in high school. Things could have been…different now.

I thought of the face…the name…Brent. I felt my eyes well up as the memory surfaced and before I could get a coherent thought from my memory banks, I felt a hand touch my arm. My defenses immediately went up and I whirled around, smacking the hand away and shoving the person connected back into the grass behind them. "Who the hell are you?" I asked of the shadowy figure as they made their way up from the ground.

When he stood up, my heart started beating again. It was Sam. "Jesus, Rhys!" he brushed himself off as he stood up straight. "You could kill a guy…I swear to God!"

I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair as I looked at him. "Sorry, Sam…hey, wait…how'd you know I was here?" I asked. I hadn't told him. I was sure of it. "Oh. Never mind…" I took in a deep sigh. This was that day that I really…didn't care about anything. I sat back down on the ground and stared at the water.

He sat beside me and gave me that…concerned Sam look that he always got when I did something that worried him. "Chloe told me…I was worried because you told me last week that we'd go see 'Primeval' together, remember? I got worried because the showing started at seven and it's…nine now," he put a hand on my arm, and I flinched and jerked away.

I'd never done that before. Sam's touch could always relax me when I was on edge. Even on previous January seventeenths, Sam's touch could relax me. But I suppose, maybe, since this was the fifth anniversary of it, it would be a little more…complicated, I guess was the word, than the others. "I know, Sam. I'm sorry. I'm just…having a really bad day…" I told a half-truth. I couldn't fully lie to Sam, anyway. But it really was a bad day. One of those days that you wish only came once in a lifetime. But…mine came once a year.

Sam's look of concern deepened, but he didn't reach out to touch me again, because he'd noticed that I'd flinched the first time, apparently. "You know you can always talk to me, right, Rhys? Really…nothing you say will make me care any less about you…" he promised, biting his lower lip softly.

I looked sideways at him. He…had no idea. He really had no idea. I was sure that Brent had bragged about it, but Sam…he never listened to rumors. None of that mattered to him. We were friends, he was brilliant and I was…his rock. I was sure Sam had heard the rumors, but he was so blinded by our friendship that he would never admit or believe that his rock, his best friend, I had been…raped.

Though Sam and I weren't exactly popular in high school--our group consisted of mainly he and I, because no one--NO one could handle Sam's 'weirdness,' but me, that didn't mean that I couldn't have been. I'd been asked, many times, to ditch Sam and go hang around with the 'in crowd.' But I couldn't, in good conscience, do that to someone like Sam. The quarterback, Brent Nichols, was always asking me out. I went on one date with him, just to try to get him off my back, but never called him again. Just went back to my normal life, hanging around with Sam, walking home from school with him, partnering with him in lab projects or any other kind of project. Everything we did, we pretty much did it together. So, after the date with Brent (which had been hell--he'd spilled soda on me, taken me to an idiotic football movie and treated me like a trophy), I tried to go back to that.

But Brent wouldn't have that. He harassed me. But with Sam around, he could never touch me. Sam would defend me to the high-school quarterback, even though at the time he was smaller and weaker. That was just the way my friendship with Sam was. I'd have done the same for him. We just…mattered to each other. That much. But the one night that Sam wasn't there, the ONE night that I'd had to walk home from school alone--Brent had taken advantage. Five years, and that was the one thing that Sam and I went through in high school that wasn't together. "I know, Sam. I do."

He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and put a hand on mine. I didn't flinch this time, either. "Did…I do something?" he asked, pulling his hand away and looking at me, a little more worried.

I hated keeping this from him. And now, now that high school was over and we were together again, now that there was no Jess and I didn't have to feel guilty about taking his attention from anyone; now that there was no Brent and I didn't have to worry about his well-being, I saw no reason to continue doing so. I looked at him and sighed sadly. "All right. But I want you to promise you won't overreact. It happened a long time ago…and there's no reason to lose your head anymore, okay?"

He nodded his head, though he truly had no idea. "I promise. I'll never change my mind about you, anyway, Rhys. I promise. I care about you too much."

I half-smiled. "Don't make promises…" I paused, trying to think of the best way to bring this up. "But okay," I looked out at the water, not wanting to meet Sam's eye. "I'm sure you remember the rumors in high school about…you know, Brent. And what he did to me? You remember Brent, right?" I looked back at him. I was sure he remembered, but I needed to stall.

"Brent Nichols…" he paused. "How could I forget the jackass quarterback who wouldn't leave you alone and made our lives hell? Yeah I remember," he nodded. "The rumors…that you and he had sex. Remember those, too…" he kept his focus on me, that normal Sam Winchester look in his eye. Like he felt that I could do no wrong.

And it made me feel kind of…dirty. And cheap. "Yeah. Hell. I guess you could say that…" I chuckled numbly. "Well…" I tried to word this as best I could. "The rumors? They were half-true…" I went to continue speaking, but Sam looked at me, horrified.

"You…what?" he looked at me like I was the whore I felt like. "So, I defended you to those fucking lackies of his and all the while they knew that you were…that you had…you fucked him?"

My eyes widened. His face…hurt me. He looked like I'd stabbed him in the back. But…he didn't know the whole story. "Well…"

"You've let me go these past FIVE YEARS thinking that you were some cherubic little angel who was by my side no matter what, and all the while, you'd FUCKED the guy who tried to HANG ME FROM THE FLAGPOLE?" he snapped, standing from the ground and backing away from me.

My eyes were watering now. Blinding me with tears that I'd been wanting to shed in front of Sam for five years. "FUCKING LET ME FINISH, SAM! I HATED HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DID. YOU KNOW THAT!" I screamed, watching as he turned to walk away. Sam was walking away from me? Sam Winchester…the only person I had ever relied on…was walking away from me.

"Apparently not…" he whispered.

I felt a couple of the tears slipping down my cheeks, and my eyes narrowed to mere slits on my face. "Fuck you, Sam. FUCK YOU!" I screamed, hearing my voice echoing along the river. "I SAID IT WAS ONLY FUCKING HALF TRUE!" I didn't care that there were houses on the other side of the river, and that it was starting to rain. I didn't care that there were people outside of the house closest to us, coming in from the garage. I didn't care that they were staring. All that I cared about was…the man who had promised to stand by me, no matter what happened, was walking away. "Do you remember, Sam, the day junior year that you had to fucking leave school early? Do you REMEMBER that for that whole entire week, he'd been telling me that he had me 'in his sights?"

I watched Sam's eyes lower, and his face sunk, too. "Don't tell me he…"

I backed up a step as he walked toward me. "He FUCKING raped me, Sam. He wasn't going to. He was going only going to take a picture of me in a compromising position or something like that…but you know what I did? You KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAID?"

_I punched at his arms, seething with every scream I let out. "PUT ME DOWN YOU FUCKING IDIOT! I swear to God, when Sam finds out that you're doing this he's going to--" I was harshly interrupted by a backhand to my cheekbone._

"Winchester?" Brent laughed out loud, taking his camera out and shoving me into the area behind the bleachers in behind the school. "Where is that fucking pansy, anyway? No matter. What would he do, send his crazy father and loser brother on me? I'm about a hundred times the man Sam Winchester is."

I hauled back and spat in his face. "FUCK OFF, YOU USELESS FUCK! Sam Winchester is 9,000 times the man you will EVER be! You're NOTHING compared to him! You're a fucking dust mite!"

I saw the maniacal glint in his eye, then his hand raising over his head, and…the next thing I remembered was waking up in that same spot, at midnight, naked, with my clothes piled next to me.

"He fucking raped me because I told him you were more of a man than he was, Sam!" I saw his hand reaching out to touch me and I shoved it away. "No. NO! Fuck you, Sam. You think I'd actually consent to FUCKING that goon? You don't fucking know me…" I started to walk away.

"Rhys!" he called, and against my better judgment, I turned around. His cheeks were now tear-streaked, too. "Rhys…I…didn't know."

I glared at him, unable to walk any farther, with those eyes baring into me. "Always by my side my fucking ass, Sam. 'You'll always have me, Rhys,'" I mocked him, trying to turn and walk away again. But I couldn't. "You actually think I would have…I don't BELIEVE you!"

He took a step toward me, and although I knew I should, I didn't want to back away. I just…wanted Sam to hold me and make it all disappear, like he always did. "Rhys…I'm sorry. Please…" he reached his arms out, and I fell into him, exploding into his shoulder. "I should have known better, you're right, Rhys. I--I'm so sorry…"

I fell into his arms and sobbed against his shoulder. "The fucking asshole…he…he took what I was saving for…" I bit my lower lip. "Ethan…" I finished the sentence with the name of the boyfriend I'd had while Sam was with Jess. No way I could tell Sam…that. Especially since I wasn't sure that he still…that we were still…"Sam?" I looked up at him, my tear-filled eyes meeting his. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you…"

He shook his head and smoothed my hair back, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "It's okay, Rhys. Really. I'm sorry I…didn't listen too well…"

I shook my head and leaned my head into his shoulder. "Forgive and forget, Sam. Really…" I promised lightly. He was my best friend. And there was no way I was going to let Brent Nichols fuck that up. Not even five years later. "We've been through worse. So, we'll come out of this stronger, too. I love you, Sam…" I spoke softly, not letting him know how deeply I actually meant that.

He held me tightly. "I love you too, Rhys…"

And right then…it didn't feel quite as bad. 


	6. Chapter 6: the One I Love the Most

**F is for Flavor**

It was four a.m., and it had been a long night, since I hadn't been able to find Chloe after she'd walked out into the rain. It was almost like she'd disappeared. But I couldn't sleep. Sam and Rhys had taken the beds, since Chloe wasn't home and no matter what I'd tried, I couldn't sleep…so I was sitting out on the porch in the rain, waiting for Chloe to come back. All kinds of scenarios raced through my head. Demons knew who we were. What if she'd been caught? What if she'd been kidnapped by some guy? What if she was so pissed off at me for…I didn't even know…that she'd just decided to leave and go do her own thing?

I saw headlights starting to pull into the parking lot of the motel and sighed. Chloe didn't leave in a car, so that couldn't be her. I peered back into the window to see Sam and Rhys, sleeping peacefully. How could they sleep, knowing that the fourth of us was…somewhere? "Come on, Chloe…come back…" I said as I watched the car park across the parking lot. I looked into the window and…saw--wait. That was Chloe? And a guy. And she was…kissing him good night? What the hell? Just because I'd done--well, I'd done something…fucked if I knew what it was--wrong, she'd gone out and hooked up with some guy? That look was definitely a 'we just fucked' look.

Why did I care? We were just fuck buddies, right? Friends who had sex when they were lonely or horny. That was Chloe Gillespe and I. So, why did my gut feel like I could just…blow chunks all over the floor? And why did I want to punch this guy's face in? I didn't even fucking know who he was! And I didn't…like Chloe! I tried to act nonchalant as she made her way up to the hotel and the guy in the car drove away. I saw her look toward me and I just stood up, turned around and walked inside.

"What?" she asked, as though she were REALLY clueless as to what she'd done wrong. "What?!" she called to me as I took my place in the sleeping bag on the floor. "Dean, get out here. We need to talk about whatever crawled up your ass."

I rolled over and covered myself with the blanket. I didn't even want to know who the guy was that she'd fucked. "Tomorrow. We'll talk about what crawled up YOUR ass tomorrow…" I mumbled. Apparently, she'd forgotten that she'd started this whole fucking thing. I'd just avoid the topic tomorrow. We'd be on the road to Georgia by then, anyway.

"Fine," she let down her hair and sat down to take off her shoes.

I rolled over and pretended not to be looking at her, though I was. I watched her run a hand through her hair to straighten it, and I noticed, in that moment, how…pretty…Chloe truly was. She looked like a model in her bar outfit. Most of the time, I got to say that I showed up with her…I chuckled inwardly. I was usually the guy that all the other guys were jealous of, and Chloe wasn't even my girlfriend. Wait, why did it make me feel empty to say that? Why did I feel like my heart had suddenly disappeared and…I felt really lonely. I opened my eyes and looked at her as she crawled into the sleeping bag, in her favorite pair of pajamas…a pair of pants with kittens on them and a shirt with a matching kitten in the middle. I had to stare at her for a minute. I couldn't help it.

"What?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

I bit my lower lip nervously and shook my head, brushing my hand over my hair. "Oh…um…nothing. Night, Chloe…" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

She looked confused. "Night, Dean…" she shrugged and covered herself over.

What in the hell was happening to me?


	7. Chapter 7: She's Not So Usual

**G is for Gravity**

I glanced at her as she had her art pad out, sketching as we sat, fifteen stories up, on top of the highest building in Ashburnham Center. I took out my camera and started to snap a few pictures as we sat, just looking over the town and admiring how it was kind of a mix between modernized and old fashioned. I took another quick glance in Rhys' direction, and I couldn't help it. I just smiled, aimed my camera and took a quick picture of her when she was in her focused state. There wasn't much that was more beautiful than that.

She raised her eyes and looked at me. "You couldn't have warned me first?" she asked. "So I could, like…fix my hair or something?" she crossed her arms and grumped a little.

But truth be told, I thought that she was much, much more beautiful when her hair was windblown. "The picture was perfect, Rhys. I promise…" I nodded my head and ran a hand through my hair. Truthfully, I wondered if she could take a picture that wasn't perfect, but I wasn't going to say that. I smiled gently at her. "I'm done. You can go back to drawing now."

She raised an eyebrow, shrugged then looked back down at her art pad and started drawing again. She really had no idea what she did to me. She had no clue that my heart ached every second I couldn't hold her. She just…had no idea. Our friendship had gotten closer since that day in Savannah, but I still…was not quite ready to tell her how much I'd meant it when I said I loved her. I hadn't loved anyone before. Well, other than Jess. But Jess didn't count, because I was sure I'd still be with her today if not for…well, extenuating circumstances. But this? Was something…else. I felt like I did with Jess, only more. It was like, I had a hard time being me when I wasn't around Rhys.

I snapped a picture of the park, and then my mind wandered, as I glanced off the side of the building and watched a family, pushing their child in a stroller. I smiled, but then it faded as I realized that I could never tell Rhys of my feelings. For her own safety, she could never know. She had no idea about my demon blood…she would think I was a freak.

I couldn't lose what we had, because so far in my life (at least from eleven years old on), no matter what I went through, Rhys was there, watching over me and taking care of me when things went wrong. That was just…the person she was. A good friend and wonderful person, with a heart of gold. To the point that she'd even put her sanity aside after…being raped…to make sure I was okay. She'd gone through that because of me. That was enough for her to have to deal with on account of me. Plain and simple.

So, my feelings would have to remain secret. For Rhys' sake and for my own. I couldn't handle it, either, if the Demon killed her, just because she loved me. I think I'd lose more of my mind than I already had. I'd never leave her side as a friend, though. And I'd support her through everything she ever did.

This was going to be a…lonely life.

Not to mention miserable, if and when Rhys ever got married. I pictured myself, sitting in the front row, or as the best man to whoever Rhys married, misery evident on my face, but Rhys not knowing (or worse, not caring). My heart sank. "Rhys?"

She raised her eyes again and looked at me, concern spreading across those beautiful brown eyes. "Hm?" she raised an eyebrow.

I didn't know exactly what to ask, so I simply said the first thing that came to mind. "So you know? You--you're always gonna be the most important person in my life…" I wasn't sure how that sounded, but I just…needed to get it off my chest.

She nodded her head and smiled a little. "You will to me, too, Sam…" she leaned down and started drawing again. "No matter who else comes along. I swear."

I smiled half-heartedly. "Thanks. I needed to hear that," I told her, biting my lip. I hoped she meant it. Really. Because I did. More than she could ever know…


	8. Chapter 8: No More Than Absolutely Zero

**H is for Horology**

I wasn't quite sure what Dean's problem was, but it was really starting to get on my last nerve. He'd been avoiding me like the plague, and 'talk about what had crawled up my ass tomorrow' had turned into 'not talk about what had crawled up my ass for the next three weeks.' He'd been weird. Okay, well, weirder than usual. I'd asked Sam what was going on, and even he had no idea. That was when I knew it was serious. Everything had been locked up in Dean's freaking enigmatic mind for…God, three weeks now. Even for someone who thrived on being nothing but a great big mystery, that was too much. He was going to go even crazier than usual. He probably already had. I mean, not only did it worry me, what I'd already mentioned, I mean; but he hadn't even tried to…you know, do anything, over the course of that time. That was a serious sign that Dean…wasn't Dean.

But that day, I think he'd all but gone off the deep end. He'd been laying on the couch, watching Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2 for the past five hours, and the second was almost over. He never did that. Sure, he watched movies. But he never sat for hours on end, just watching movies, unless, that is, they were porn. Sam and Rhys were on one of their little artsy binges…I think they said something about Ashburnham Center. That was okay, though, because it gave Dean and I time to talk…to work this out. Because it was driving me insane. Sure, we didn't always talk deep or whatever, but we always relied on one another when bad days came along. We stuck together and did our best to make one another laugh. And not having that was driving me crazy. But I couldn't just pretend that there was nothing wrong. Because something was.

I took a seat on the other bed and looked at the TV. Oh, to have some of the truth serum that Bill used on Beatrix at that moment. Something told me that was the only way Dean would talk. But I pressed on and looked over at him. "Hey, weren't we supposed to talk about what the hell ever is going on between us…or…isn't going on? Whatever. I don't like fighting with you, and I'd like it to end…"

He looked at me like I'd just shot a kitten. I don't think he was expecting me to speak up. He had a nervous look twisted onto his face and he ran a hand through his hair, straightening it. "I didn't know we were fighting…" he shrugged his shoulders.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. "Bullshit. You promised me when we were in fucking Springettsbury that we'd talk this shit out, remember? You told me we could talk about what crawled up 'my' ass, and we still haven't even fucking touched on it. It's getting really annoying, Dean. We haven't gone to the bar in three weeks, we haven't fucked in almost four…I feel like I'm losing you and I don't even know what I did WRONG!" I shouted at him. "If you found some girl you'd rather fuck than me, I'm okay with that. We're only friends. If you stopped finding me desirable, I'm okay with that, too. We can just hang out and leave with our respective dates. Just, like…tell me, Dean. I'm losing my mind here!"

He still looked shocked. Like he had no idea this was coming. As if. "I just…haven't been feeling quite myself, Chloe. Can't we just leave it at that? It's nothing you did. I just…"

I scoffed and started toward the door. "Get bent, Dean, okay? Seriously. I'm not going to agonize anymore, because I seriously don't give a flying fuck. I am not losing any more sleep wondering what the fuck I did. Seriously, from this point on, Dean? I don't care anymore, okay? Be pissed off at me. Fuck whoever you want. Find me as unattractive as you so fucking choose. Just, don't come crying to me when you need someone to fuck, okay? I can't stand wondering what I did anymore…" I was about to open the door when I felt a hand on my arm, pulling me away.

Dean had finally gotten his ass up off the bed and was standing before me, eyes full of tears. Now I was thoroughly confused. "Wait. Please. It's none of that, okay? I'm sorry. Really. I'm just…" he paused.

He was trying. I could tell that, at least. But, that didn't change that I was getting tired of being treated like I didn't exist. "Well then, what the hell is it?" I yanked my arm from his hand, trying as hard as I could not to be fazed by his forming tears. But God, it was hard. I wanted to cry, too.

He held his hands closed. "I…just…can we go get a beer and talk about this, please?" he asked me, nodding toward the door and wiping his eyes. "I think I'd do a lot better talking if I had a little bit of alcohol in my system…" his eyes pleaded with me.

And I could never say no to those hazel-green eyes. "Yeah…" I opened the door and walked through, waiting for him to come, too. I could probably have used a drink then, too. "I saw a bar-dash-pizza place down the street. We could get a bite to eat, too…" I suggested, knowing Dean could never turn down food.

The drive to the place was silent, as I think both of us were trying to plan out what we were going to say. When we got there, we noticed that the place was crowded, which was okay, because our arguing or whatever we did, would be drowned out in the crowd. We went in and up to the bar. He asked for a Miller High Life and me for a Honey Brown Lite. We ordered a large supreme pizza, then took a seat by the TV that was playing that night's hockey game on CBC. Maybe, if this was all worked out, we could watch it. Our two teams were playing one another, after all. He always rooted for the St. Louis Blues and I rooted for my hometown team, the Philadelphia Flyers. But…I definitely wasn't focused on the game at that point.

Before I got a chance to ask Dean what his problem was, he started speaking. "Listen. You know me, Chloe. You know that sometimes I can be an asshole. I'm sorry, okay? I mean…I was pissed off because you went to the bar without me that night," he shrugged. "I thought it'd happen like it always does, after we fought, we'd go drink and then fuck out the pissed off-ness," he sighed deeply. "But then you left without me. And before that, I was pissed off because this asshole cut me off in traffic on my way home from the grocery store. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Really, I am. But…" he paused and looked me in the eye. "You know better than anyone else how much of an asshole I can be."

I sighed. That did sound like Dean. And holding a grudge like that for three weeks? Yeah, that sounded like Dean, too. "Jesus, and you were mad for three weeks about that, Dean? It's okay, but, like, if shit like that ever happens again, just fucking tell me, okay? I don't like agonizing over what I may or may not have done wrong…it sucks," I ran a hand through my hair. "And I'm sorry I left without you, okay?" I took a deep breath. "But, like, seriously, I was so pissed off because you tore into the room and demanded that I change my music. That's pretty ridiculous, Dean. You couldn't have thought it was going to go over well…"

He shook his head and sighed. "I know. I wasn't thinking much of anything, Chloe. You know me. Mr. Leap Without Looking…" he paused for a second when the waitress brought us over our pizza and beer.

She looked at me like I had two heads, but it was probably because I was in a bar where, as I surveyed the room, there were no women, aside from the staff. That was the way it was, though, and most women thought I was a slut for it. I was a guy's girl, who liked to try and look good. That was probably why Dean and I got along so well. At least usually. "What?" I looked at the waitress as she seemed to be staring. "Do I have something on my face? Because you're staring awful hard."

She scoffed and walked away, and then I turned my focus back to Dean, who had that normal Dean grin back on his face. Good. I missed that. "Probably because you're the only girl here, and you're here with me…" he suggested, watching the waitress as she walked away. "I swear, if more women were like you, though, there'd be no single women on Earth."

I chuckled and shrugged. "What's my excuse, then…?" I asked, pausing and adding a laugh on the end of that, though I was far from kidding. "Must be my six-foot-tall tagalong," I joked, just glad things were starting to come back to normal. Just like that, everything was almost forgotten. And when we got home, everything would be forgotten, because Dean and I would, well, make sure of it. We'd lock Rhys and Sam out, and…just make sure of it.

He laughed sarcastically and took a sip of his beer, grabbing a slice of pizza. "If I'm holding you back, then you're doing the same for me…" he looked at the TV screen, just in time to see Simon Gagne score a goal against his precious Blues. "But that's all right, because we also weed out the creeps and weirdos for one another."

I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders. "Not that we're not creep or weirdo enough on our own. But yeah…" I looked at the TV, too. "Let me tell you…I paid for leaving you behind that night. You know that car I got out of? Yeah, that guy was a real…creep. I left the bar with him and we were going to…well, you know…" I saw Dean's expression change, and though it confused me, I wasn't going to get weirded out and risk ruining the newfound normalcy that we'd found, so I continued. "But I didn't, because, like, he started, like, sweating and salivating. So I asked him to take me home. And he wouldn't let me out of the car until I kissed him. It was…fucked up."

Relief crossed his face, and I got even more confused. It went quiet again after that, and just when I was about to open up my mouth and ask him about it, he turned to me and ran a hand through his hair. "Have you ever wondered what time can do to a relationship? A friendship? Like, change-wise, I mean?"

I raised an eyebrow and put some hair behind my ear. "You mean…like Sam and Rhys'?" I asked, knowing that they hadn't admitted to their love for one another. I figured he was talking about his brother, anyway. Because Dean Winchester didn't fall in love with anyone.

He bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, Sam and Rhys. They've been…getting closer lately. And Sam keeps telling me that he feels his feelings toward her changing…he thinks they might be, but he's not sure. He asked me how I--uh…he was supposed to tell, but I was like, 'do you even realize who you're asking?'"

I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders. "Do you want me to tell him? I'm sure I can make it make sense to him…" I offered, half-smiling at him.

He shook his head. "Um, no. He told me not to tell you," he suddenly seemed nervous.

I nodded my head and shrugged. "Probably assumed I'd tell Rhys or something. Just, like, tell him, over time, if you spend enough time with someone, you're bound to fall in love with them. Time does that to people. You and I are like an anomaly in that respect, I swear. Put any other pair of people together and at least one would have fallen for the other. That's what makes us such…good friends, I guess."

He laughed half-heartedly, though his face looked like someone had taken his heart in their hands and squashed it. "Yeah."

I wondered what was going on, since Dean still wasn't…Dean. But, since we'd just put ourselves through that hell trying to figure one another out, I wasn't going to bother. I'd just enjoy the pizza and company, and let Dean tell me when he was ready…


	9. Chapter 9: A Time of Change Should Come

**I is for Ineluctable**__

April 19th, 2007  
Fryeburg, New Hampshire

Sometimes I wonder if I can be saved. If it's my destiny to be alone. With this demon blood inside me, I wonder if when I was a baby, before I could think enough to decide my own destiny, the Demon with the Yellow Eyes decided that I was destined to be his pawn. To be his lonely, friendless, loveless pawn. I wonder if I can be saved, or if I should just save the people I love the possible pain and just…end it now. Condemn my soul to hell and get it over with. I think of Dean and Chloe, and I think of how much it would hurt the me I am now if the Demon side of me came out and killed them. I think of Rhys and…how much the me I am now would _hate__ want to kill the me I turned into if he even harmed a hair on her head._

But in that same respect, I think of the fact that Rhys would feel so…abandoned if I just gave up. I think of the fact that Rhys would resent me if I did that…if I didn't give she, Dean and Chloe the chance to save me. I think of the fact that Rhys doesn't even know. She doesn't even know of my Demon blood. She'd feel so…betrayed if I gave up and never told her. I promised her at the age of eleven that I'd never turn my back on her. That I'd never betray her. I came close to breaking that once. I'm not going to do that again. That woman is the most important person, aside from Dean, in my life, and I swear, right now, on my life, that I will never put her through anything like that.

If there's a way to be saved, I will do it, for Rhys Griffith. I'll thwart destiny if I have to.

I was packing Sam's things when I came across that piece of paper, and while, at first, I was confused, by the end, I felt like my heart could explode. And in that moment, I vowed to myself that I would save him. If no one else did, I, myself, would slay the Yellow Eyed Demon, and any Demon who tried to take Sam to their side. I wouldn't let them have what was mine. Sam would find a way to save himself, or I would save him. I needed him. He needed me.

Sam Winchester was the most important thing in my life, and I'll be damned (even literally) if I was going to let any demon, yellow eyed or not, take him from me. Anything that could be done, I'd do to keep Sam alive and safe.

Up to and including trading my own soul. Sam was worth it.

I, Rhysanne Elaine Griffith officially had a destiny.


	10. Chapter 10: the Most Unusual Story

**J is for Jubilee**

Things with Dean and aren't simple.

All I can think of to compare our relationship to is a plate of cherries jubilee. Where do I get that, you ask? Well, I'll explain as best I can. The three main characteristics of cherries jubilee are that they're sweet, tangy and hot. Starting to make sense yet? Well, if it's not, I'll explain.

I'll start off with sweet. That was obvious. I mean, though we've never been the sweetest of people…not even close, really, we're kind of like the bad guys with a heart of gold in your favorite movie. But when it comes to one another, we're about as soft as the bruised part of an apple. Dean sheds one tear and I swear silent vengeance on whatever made him cry. And Dean? If, by chance, I start crying? The vengeance Dean swore? Is never as silent. He curses and screams and freaks out on whatever was making me cry. He knows it makes me feel better. And it's…great. I think that's my favorite thing about him.

But at the same time, with two people as vengeful and coarse as Dean and I can be sometimes? Things can get really…tangy. Sometimes downright bitter. When we fight? And…really fight? Someone always ends up crying, and that is the one case that we don't swear to reap vengeance on the thing that made the other cry. We always seem to leave a sour taste in one another's mouth, but…then the sweet comes back, and we make up. We always miss each other too much.

And then, we get to the hot. You know what they say: if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. It's…always hot when Dean and I have sex. He knows what I like. Knows where to touch me. Knows where to kiss…knows just what to do to make me last just long enough so we'll come together. I like to think I'm the same way with him. I swear on my life, of all the people I've even been with, Dean is…by far the best. Maybe not the--biggest? But…whoever said 'the bigger the better' needs to speak to the women Dean Winchester has been with. Because seriously. That man is…gifted.

The more I talk here, though, the more I realize that the lack of simplicity between Dean and I? Is something that I wouldn't change, even if I could. It's almost as though…he completes me, as Jerry Maguire as that sounds. If I wasn't so sure he's not interested in me? I'd say that we are soul mates. Without the tangy? We wouldn't have the sweet or hot. And honestly? I couldn't live without any of those components, because it's what makes Dean and I as close as we are.

It almost makes me wish that Dean could love me. Almost. Or…maybe it does. But I know he can't. Because Dean doesn't fall in love.

See? I told you things between Dean and I aren't simple.


	11. Chapter 11: Time to End the Pain

**K is for Kaboom**

The second I saw the flames come through the window of the house in Mayberry, Florida; that's when the fear set in. As a matter of fact, I don't think I'd ever been so scared in my life. Rhys was inside the house with a demon she was trying to exorcise, and she'd commanded the rest of us to run outside. We obeyed, but…I fought her on it. But that was one thing about Rhys that I didn't like. She knew how to get me to agree to damn near anything. We got outside, and no sooner had I thought to turn back and just defy what Rhys told me to do, did I see the entire second floor of the house go up in demon's flame.

I had hope. Rhys could make it out of that fire. I knew she could. And she'd yell at me and be extremely pissed off if I tried to come after her. So, I waited. Chloe stood behind Dean, and both of them stared at the building as though Rhys were already dead. No. She wasn't. I couldn't lose another woman--the first woman--that I loved. At the end of that thought, the window on the bottom floor shattered and flames spit out. And that was when I ran to the building. Or…tried to.

"Let me go! Rhys is in there!" I shouted, turning my head and fighting against Dean and Chloe's hands on my arms. "FUCKING LET ME GO!" I shoved at both of them.

"Sam!" Chloe's doubtful voice permeated my ears. "Even if she survived the exorcism, she's…she couldn't have survived the explosion!" she shouted. As I looked at her, she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She really thought Rhys was dead.

"NO! God damn it, let me go! She's not dead!" I fought them some more. I…knew Rhys wasn't dead. I did. I'd envisioned this the night prior, and I'd woken up with a searing headache. I'd envisioned Rhys needing me to come in and save her…being pinned under a beam. "Dean…" I turned to my brother, who was the only one who knew of my visions. "Dean, she's not dead. I know she's not. Please. Let me go. She's…running out of time."

Dean was about to respond when we heard a scream of, "HELP!" coming from inside the house. I knew the voice, and apparently, so did Chloe and Dean. "SAM! PLEASE!"

Dean and Chloe released their hold on my arms and started to follow me inside, but I turned to them. "No. You guys stay here, in case I get stuck too. Just…wait. And if we don't come out in two minutes, come in after us."

Dean nodded and pointed at the house. "Go! You said it yourself, she's running out of time!"

I ran into the house and looked around, shielding my face from the fire with my coat. "RHYS? RHYS ARE YOU IN HERE?" I shouted. I didn't see her, and needed to hear her voice to find out where she was. But I knew what I'd have to do when I got there.

I heard a muffled cough from the next room, and I ran through the doorway to get there. I saw her, laying beneath a beam, trying to push it from on top of her. "Rhys, I'm here, okay? I'm not going to let you die, I swear!"

She looked up at me and a look of relief spread across her face. "But…I can't move it! It's too…it's too heavy!"

I knelt on a spot on the floor that was free of fire and looked at the beam, putting my hands on it and trying to lift it so she could wriggle free. But she was right. It was heavy. I bit my lower lip. I'd never been able to…control my telekinesis before. But I wondered, since this was extenuating circumstances, and Rhys was going to die if I didn't, if I could. I saw Rhys looking at me like I had two heads, but I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the beam being moved from on top of Rhys.

I opened my eyes. Nothing. But I wasn't going to give up. I needed to get her out of here. I closed my eyes again and focused…and after a few seconds, my head started to feel like someone had it closed in a vice grip. I shouted in agony, but kept my mind focused on Rhys, and getting her out of here. I shouted one more time, and then I fell into a pool of blackness, still unsure of whether or not the beam had moved…

…and the next thing I remember is waking up on the grass in the woods, with Dean and Chloe sitting in front of a campfire, and Rhys nowhere to be seen. So…I hadn't saved her? All that work and now she was…no. She couldn't be. "I…didn't save her…" I whispered, watching as Dean and Chloe's eyes turned to me.

Chloe jumped from her seat, ran to me and hugged me, and that reaffirmed it to me. My heart sank, but…Chloe didn't seem to torn up. She didn't say anything, though. It was Dean who spoke next, as he walked up behind Chloe and patted me on the arm. "You did. She went for a swim. Do you know…how long you've been out, Sam?"

I raised an eyebrow as Chloe pulled back from the hug and spoke. "We got you and Rhys to the Impala and then went back to the hotel to take care of Rhys' burns on her arms…and while we were there, we heard there was an APB out for us…" she chuckled lightly. "…again. So, we've been on the run. For three days. Rhys walked to the store outside of the woods and up the road to get some food and water, then she went for a swim in the river."

Three days? I'd been out for…three days? I listened to what Chloe told me, in shock. I sat up straight and looked from Chloe to Dean. Dean gave me an all-knowing glance. He knew what had gone on in there. And I bet Chloe knew, too, since Dean and Chloe didn't have many secrets. But Rhys…probably thought I was some freak of nature. Our friendship was probably over now.

Dean put a hand on my arm. "'Bout time you snapped out of it, Sammy. I was getting sick of carrying you around…dragging you from the car to wherever was best for you to sleep…" he joked.

But I was hardly in a joking mood. "Is…she mad at me? Is she…" I was still too panicked to put together a coherent sentence.

Chloe shook her head. "No. No, quite the contrary, really. She's slept right there for the past few nights…" she pointed to a sleeping bag, inches from the one they'd put me in. "She's spent the past few days worrying. So have we. But…Dean and I finally talked her into taking a walk. In sunglasses and a hat, of course."

I heard a gasp coming from the tree line. "Sam?"

Before I could even turn my head, I felt Rhys' arms wrapped around me, and…everything felt okay. "Rhys…" I whispered, lifting my weakened arms and hugging her tightly. "I'm…glad to see you."

She looked into my eyes and kissed me on the cheek. "Oh my God…" she clung to me. "Don't…ever do that to me again. I thought you were…"

I held her tightly again, kissing her on the forehead. "Me too…I thought you were, too…" I brushed a hand through her hair. "You're not mad at me?"

She shook her head and ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes. "But, we do need to talk. Let's go for a swim so you can clean up…" she suggested, going to the Impala, which Dean had parked on a trail near the place we'd made camp.

My secret was no longer a secret…


	12. Chapter 12: Spiraling Spaces

**L is for Leonine**

It was odd, what made my mind travel to Dean, and the process it took to get there was even stranger. We were still camping out, after the incident in Mayberry, and no one had woken up quite yet. Sam was curled as close to Rhys' sleeping bag as he could be, and Rhys was as close to him as she could be without touching him. I chuckled. They needed to grow some balls. Because seriously, this unrequited love between them was depressing me.

Lions. I had a National Geographic magazine that I'd picked up at the store, mainly for an article on lions. I liked how they stuck together, like a family. Took care of each other and made sure that one another were okay. A lot like Sam, Rhys, Dean and I. Sam refused to give up until Rhys was out of that burning house, and he almost lost his life for it. And a couple of weeks ago, while on a job at a gala event in Fayetteville, North Carolina, I was almost caught by the cops, because the strap to my shoe broke and I fell to the floor. But Dean? Wouldn't have that. He grabbed me and picked me up, carrying me to safety in the Impala.

We were like a pack of lions, the four of us. If anyone threatened one of the pack, they'd have three angry, growling brothers and sisters on their case. But I found myself mainly needing to defend Dean. Rhys and Sam had one another. I was like a lioness. Protecting and caring for the male lion, making sure that everything he did was safe and that he stayed strong for the hunt (though in lion world, the female did all the hunting, that wasn't the case for us, obviously).

Dean was just as protective of me, though. We couldn't go to any bars until this whole 'arson' incident blew over, since somehow it managed to go nationwide, but…when we did? He always looked out for me when guys forgot the meaning of 'no,' and tried to--well, you get it. I mean, I didn't need to return the favor in that case, since Dean was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but…if the need ever arose, I would do anything in the world for Dean Winchester. Anything.

We really were like a family of lions. I looked upon Dean's sleeping form and sighed. I'd sacrificed normalcy at a young age for that man. And as I look back now, if given the choice, I'd do it all again… 


	13. Chapter 13: And Then I Kissed a Star

**M is for Mars**

I loved alone time with Rhys and I. When we were out on the run, it didn't happen as often, but once in awhile, Dean and Chloe would surprise us and go for a swim or a walk, or something, and I'd get to live the moments that I still, to this day, consider my favorite. Moments spent just doing simple things that most take for granted. Like, stargazing, for example. Something you don't do unless your out on your own, face to face with nothing but nature. The time I'm about to speak of is one of those.

It was a clear, cloudless night and Rhys lay on the hood of the Impala, staring at the sky. I had to admit, I was…shocked. She hadn't asked me about the telekinesis yet, and it had been a few days since I woke up, but, looking a gift-horse in the mouth wasn't something I typically did. Plus, it wasn't like Rhys to pry. She knew I'd tell her when I was ready. It was just a matter of me…getting there, really. I didn't think she'd leave. No, I knew better than that. I was just…concerned about whether or not she would be able to handle it. Whether she'd look at me the same. Whether she'd…trust me.

Right then, though, that was quite possibly the farthest thing from my mind. She lay on the hood of the Impala, and I sat beside her, carrying my weight on my elbows, almost laying down, but not quite. She was focused on the stars, trying to find Orion's belt. Constellations and other astronomical things had always fascinated Rhys. All four years in high-school, she'd talked me into taking an astronomy course. Not that I found that as a surprise. Rhys Griffith could talk me into going to clown school, just because I'd do anything for her.

She turned her head to me, after a few seconds of silence, and put her arms behind her head. "I think it would be cool to live on Mars, don't you?" she asked, looking back up at the sky and pointing at the red planet. "I mean, not pop-culture's perception of Mars, but…what it really is," she glanced back at me.

Rhys was fascinating, in the sense that you never knew what she was going to come up with next. I raised an eyebrow and looked up at the planet as she pointed. "Well, I don't know…" I shrugged and ran a hand through my hair, moving it from my eyes. "I mean, it would probably be kind of boring. Nothing but craters and moon rocks to pass the time…unless you had your own personal space station with TV, food and every creature comfort known to man…"

She half-smiled. "It'd be kinda like an interplanetary campout. What do you say, Sam? We go to astronaut school someday and take a shuttle to Mars…camp out for a weekend?" she wiggled her eyebrows.

I lay back on the bar beside her and looked up at the sky. "I'm totally up for that. We'd be the most famous artists in the US. We could write and draw Mars and we'd get millions because it would be real…" I looked at her, and watched as she grin spread across her face. "Seriously, though? If I could travel to any place in outer space? I'd prefer to go to another galaxy."

She nodded in agreement and looked at the sky. "Or, like, Pluto or something. Scientists don't consider it a plant, but, I mean, that doesn't mean it deserves to be traveled any less. I'd go there just so I could look stupid scientists in the face and be like 'yeah, that's right, I traveled there even after you said it wasn't planet-worthy anymore. Suck that.'"

I laughed. I could always count on Rhys. "I swear, there are a lot of fascinating things in the Supernatural field, but…nothing fascinates me like a clear night sky…" I felt a grin crawl across my face, but then, a semi-sad thought came into my mind and I looked at Rhys. "Hey…Rhys? Can you…promise me something?"

She looked at me, confusion etched into those amber pools I always got lost in. "Sure, Sam. You know I'd do anything for you…" she sat up.

I let my smile grow back to a full smile. "Promise me that…no matter where we are, if there's a clear night sky like this, we'll go find a place to…do this?" I sat up with her. I swear, no matter how many stars were in the sky, none of them matched the twinkle I saw when I looked into her eyes.

She grinned, too, and put her hand on my upper arm. "Definitely. Nothing beats a clear night of talking about Mars and interplanetary travel…" she slid off the hood of the Impala and reached inside to get her jacket.

I couldn't help but stare. Really, moments like that made my love for Rhys even harder to contain. She was…one of a kind. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, artistic and fun; one would swear, without knowing better, that she was a protagonist in a movie. And I was the nerdy best friend who didn't have a shot in the dark of stealing her heart. But…that didn't mean I'd stop admiring.

Or stop wishing…


	14. Chapter 14: I Am Not Afraid

**N is for Nautical**

The cabin in the mountains was easy enough to break into, since it seemed like it had been abandoned for awhile, but just long enough to be safe for us. Not so long that it lost it's sense of hominess. Chloe and I had decided to set up a comfortable little camp there for the night--or the weekend…however long it took for us to feel rested. Rhys and Sam had gone out on some kind of classic Rhys and Sam camping trip, roughing it in the wilderness with nothing aside from what they could fit into a backpack. Idiots. They said to meet them in the parking lot the next day. That was fine. Chloe and I would be well rested in the, well, it was an at least semi-comfortable bed.

Chloe was leaned over the fireplace, trying to get a fire going, and I got into the bag for a few of the things we'd grabbed from the store to make for supper. Burgers and barbecue sauce, cooked over a roaring fire, before a night of…well, whatever Chloe and I wanted to do. "Do I even look like a Elise Mirant?" she asked as she tossed the fake ID she'd used to get us the alcohol onto the floor. We'd been carrying around ID's with the names Elise and Dieter Mirant for the past two weeks…and we really, really didn't look like an old German couple, but it was good enough to get us by.

I laughed and took the box of frozen burgers and the package of American cheese from the cooler, then watched as Chloe stoked the fire. "About as much as I look like a Dieter. But so long as we beef up our German accents, Americans won't be any wiser. Because, we, in the home of the hamburger and the sliced, processed, individually wrapped box of cheese, are pigs, and wouldn't know a real German from someone putting on a front if we wanted to," I handed her the burgers and cheese.

She laughed and took each of the items from my hands, then turned and made her way back to the fire, trying to set it up so that we could cook the burgers. "Amen, my brother. Not to mention that most of the population is too dense to see what's going on right in front of their faces. But eh…makes our job easier."

I half-smiled and took out the cooler, which we'd filled to the top with beer and ice. I grabbed two of the cans of beer and handed one to Chloe as she stood back up from propping up the grilling mechanism we'd bought from the department store. "And your German accent was spot on, Chloe…" I grinned, popping the top open and watching the grin spread across her face.

Sometimes, the simplicity of things between the two of us was fun. We'd eat, talk and fuck (probably do those two at the same time), then sleep. Because it was what we did. But I think I'd mentioned that. I took a huge swig of my beer and watched as Chloe took a seat in one of the recliners in front of the fire. "So, someone had been stupid enough to just…leave all their things here, after just…letting the place go?"

She shrugged and ran a hand through her hair, then popped the top to her beer. "Who knows, maybe there's demons and shit in here and we're gonna get killed in our sleep."

My face sunk. Fuck, I hadn't thought of that. But I looked at Chloe's face, as a smile spread over it again. She shook her head and shoved me in the shoulder. "I was kidding, Dean! Lighten up! Not every good thing is a demon in disguise coming to kill you, I swear."

I shoved her back, then got comfortable in the other recliner and took another drink. "I know, I know. Sorry. I guess all this arson shit is just…putting me on edge. You understand, right?" I leaned back in the chair and sighed.

She nodded and leaned her head back. "Me too, Dean. And I also don't like that Sam and Rhys insisted on being alone, either, because…well, obvious reasons. It's like…they don't want to see what could go wrong."

I shrugged. "I know. But you know them. When they get an idea in their heads, they won't rest until they've camped and gotten it out of their system," I closed my eyes and tried to relax. All these insane ideas that my brain was trying to give me about…feelings for Chloe…were driving me insane. I couldn't have feelings for Chloe. Chloe…didn't fall in love, and neither did I. We just…did our thing. Kept each other company in what was predestined to be a pair of lonely lives. I needed…to get onto a totally new topic. Just something…totally new. "You know what I've always wanted to do?"

While I was on my emotional tirade, Chloe had gotten up to flip the burgers and restoke the fire. "What?" she asked as she turned her head and looked at me.

I half-smiled. I hadn't ever really talked about this with anyone before, but…who better to talk to than Chloe. "I've always wanted to live on a boat. Even if it's only for a few months. Away from civilization…away from any demon hunting or anything like that. Let the world worry about themselves for once…" I took another drink of my beer, half-expecting Chloe to laugh at me.

But she didn't. She stood up and walked over to the chair, pressing her lips to mine, then ran a hand through my hair. "Captain Dean. Somehow, I can picture that…" she said as she grabbed my hands and pulled me from the chair, over to the daybed in the corner of the room. So, apparently, we were going to skip the talking that night. "Can I be first mate?"

I followed her to the daybed and sat on the edge, looking at her with a smile. "Do I get to call you Gilligan?" I ran my hands up and down her sides as I watched her knees straddle my hips.

She tried not to crack up. "Gilligan Gillespe? We'll see about that…" she spoke softly as she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me to the bed. "How about if I'm the Elizabeth Swan to your Will Turner?" she asked as she put her hands under the hem of my t-shirt.

I half-smiled and raised my arms as she started to pull it up and off. "I'd like to be Captain Jack," I shrugged my shoulders and looked at her, pulling her shirt up and off now that I had the opportunity. "But I guess Will is a good second choice. You are way hotter than Kiera Knightley though…"

She chuckled and leaned down to kiss me again. "Shut up, Dean. You don't need to use pickup lines on me, remember? I'm already your designated fucker…" she paused and chuckled as she played at the buckle to my belt. "That…sounded bad."

I laughed too and ground my hips against hers. "Designated sexual partner?" I watched as she nodded in agreement. "Well, you're more than that, Chloe. But, sure…" I put my hands on her thighs, beneath her skirt, then buried my face in her neck, nipping and kissing, trying to bring the reaction I usually got out of her.

She groaned and pressed her lips to mine in a bruising kiss. "Well, you know what I mean. Besides, we agreed long ago that designated sex partners wasn't degrading. Better a friend than a stranger, right?" she pushed my jeans and boxers down, then took her panties off, grabbing for the box of condoms she carried in her handbag. She unwrapped one and put it on me like it was a science. And then it began.

I arched my hips forward into her, and although I had initially wanted to protest to her 'you know what I mean,' when I was inside her, it all just seemed…less important. Our hips rocked together for a few moments in time, and when I felt myself unable to hold on much longer, I breathed in deeply and gasped out an exasperated, "I fucking…love you, Chloe!"

She stopped dead in her tracks. "You…you what?"

My heart stopped for a second. So, in two seconds, I'd gone from being one more thrust away from what I was sure would be the most intense orgasm I had ever had in my life to…not knowing what to say, and still being one thrust away from an intense orgasm. "I…" my brain tried to gather the words, but with a combination of being appalled at myself and ready to explode inside the condom, all I could think to do was bring both of us off. Maybe Chloe would forget that I'd said it if I did well enough getting her off. I flipped us over on the bed and tried to hold it in long enough for Chloe to get off.

I felt her heavy breath on my neck as my face was buried in hers, and just as she gasped, I felt the starbursts I always got with Chloe. I'd…never gotten off like this with anyone else. Nothing this intense. I lay there for a second, trying to collect my thoughts, both from the orgasm and my not-quite-sex-induced confession…when Chloe spoke up in a totally-sex-induced raspy haze. "What did you--"

I bit my lip and interrupted her. "You…know I say some crazy things when I'm getting close, Chloe…" I tried to cover my ass. "I've always--"

She shrugged. "I…guess. But that's…new…" she ran a hand through her hair and wiggled out from beneath me, grabbing her panties from the floor and putting them back on. "You…had me scared for a second."

I rolled over on the daybed, pulled my jeans and boxers up, then looked at the ceiling for a couple seconds. "Me too…" I spoke softly, looking at her as she grabbed the burgers from the fire. What in the hell was I doing? I…didn't love Chloe, did I? I had to figure this out, because…I was quickly…going insane.


	15. Chapter 15: I'd Let It All Come Down

**O is for Opiate**

Everyone has an addiction. Some aren't healthy, but I'm fortunate enough not to have that problem. I've seen people with addictions to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sex (Dean and Chloe were poster children for the National Nymphomaniacs Coalition)…basically anything that makes you feel good, even for a short period of time. The best thing about my addiction was…well, it couldn't kill me. Or, rather, she couldn't. Yeah, you've probably got it pegged. I, Sam Winchester, am addicted to Rhys. The only problem I can foresee with this addiction is the possibility--or, probability of it never being returned, and me being left on the wrong side of an unrequited love for life.

I had to remind myself, though, that it was better for Rhys this way. As much as it sucked for me, my mouth stayed shut. For Rhys. Because if I had my way, we'd be married. We lay under the stars in our small makeshift campsite, Rhys simply resting with her eyes closed, humming a soft tune, and me? I was musing to myself about our friendship and how it had changed, yet stayed the same over the years.

Part of me wished that we could have a relationship like Dean and Chloe did. Friends who fucked, but would still do anything for each other. Because at least then, I could remember how it felt to have sex with someone you loved. But the rest of me knew, a friendship like that, with no emotional ties, no love in return from Rhys, would kill me.

For now, though, I'd just keep her as an addiction. Rhys Griffith was my drug. But as far as I was concerned, I could stay high forever.


	16. Chapter 16: She is Everything I Needed

**P is for Point-Blank**

"No," I crossed my arms and looked at Rhys like she had two heads. What in the hell was she talking about? She and Sam had pretty much cornered me--woke me up to harass me about saying what I said to Chloe. Chloe had told them. Well, that was just fantastic. Fortunately, as far as she knew, it was a sex-induced slip of the tongue. "Did Chloe tell you that? And…did she also tell you that I said it right before I got off? You guys know that people say a lot of things they don't mean when they're about to get theirs. You guys should know better than to think I would…fall in love."

Rhys chuckled and raised her eyebrow. "Right, because…falling in love with your best friend who you have sex with almost every night and know better than anyone else in the world is SUCH an insane concept…" she took a seat on the bed and looked at Sam. "Back me up here."

Sam looked from Rhys to me, and half-smiled. "Dean…no matter who you sleep with, you always find your way back to Chloe. Explain that…" he tried not to laugh as he watched my expression change.

I scoffed. "I don't love Chloe, okay? Yeah, I love her, but as a best friend should love another best friend. Chloe and I fuck like we do because we, unlike some freaks on this earth, get horny. And it's better to fuck your best friend than some random stranger…" I looked at Rhys, who looked almost amused. "Fuck you guys, okay? I don't love Chloe. You guys know I don't fall in love. Love is for…people who can handle losing someone. Love is for…people like you guys."

Sam looked at me all-knowingly. Right, like he was so…genius as to--well, he did know feelings. But…not mine. I didn't fucking love Chloe. It was…well, it wasn't insane. I mean, we had known each other for ten years. And she was…the best lay I'd ever had. And she always listened to me. She was kind and sweet and gentle and beautiful and…fuck. It was sounding more and more like I actually did love Chloe. But--I didn't know how to love someone, what it meant. Or, what I was supposed to do from here. Was I supposed to tell her? Fuck no. I'd have to…keep telling myself, keep telling Sam and Rhys, that I didn't love her. And I could never--never tell Chloe. I'd lose her over something that…wasn't true. Was it? "What?" I responded to their amused faces. "We piss each other off more than anything, and the only romantic contact we have is when we make l--" I seized up and tried to recover. "…when we fuck."

Rhys' eyes were wide, and she looked at Sam, who's grin seemed to grow. "You said 'make love,' Dean. You don't 'make love' to someone you don't love," he pointed out.

I had said that…but…I couldn't have meant it. Chloe and I always called it 'fucking.' Never 'making love.' So, what in the hell would have ever given me that idea? I glared at my brother. "No. No, okay! I didn't fucking mean it!" I turned and rushed out of the hotel room, but when I got to the door, I turned and looked at them briefly. "I swear to God, if either of you tell Chloe about that I'll kill you."

Rhys half-smiled and ran a hand through her hair nonchalantly. "Your secret's safe with us, Dean, don't worry."

I glared at Rhys. "There is no secret! I don't fucking love her, okay? I don't even fucking LIKE her as more than a friend!" I snapped my head toward Sam. "Why don't you worry about your own love life. Keep out of mine…" I paused and slammed the door behind me, watching as Chloe walked up the front stairway with shopping bags in her hands and a small smile on her face. I looked at her, and red filled my face, then I brushed past her and rushed to the car. I'd have to go…fuck someone else. Just to prove to myself…and to Rhys and Sam…that I didn't love Chloe. I didn't. I…didn't. 

But once I got into bed with Greta, the unbelievably hot bartender that I'd met when I'd gone to try and forget about Chloe, I couldn't…do anything. I could never…not do anything. I slung my jacket over my shoulder and apologized to her one more time, as I backed toward the door. She showed me an indignant look, long blonde hair flipping over her shoulder as she waved me out of her apartment. What was happening? Was it possible? Did I…love Chloe? I bit my lower lip and got back into the car. I…never thought I'd love someone. I thought I'd go through life just…having fun.

But maybe I was wrong. Now the question was…could Chloe love me?


	17. Chapter 17: Maybe I, What Do I Know?

**Q is for Quandary**

I saw him sleeping a few feet from me, his sleeping bag wrapped tightly around him, but still not quite keeping out the shrill air of the night. That man did not look like he had an even semi-demonic bone in his body, let alone demon blood running through his veins. He was kind, gentle and selfless. I leaned back against the tree behind me and sighed. I hated the nights that I played lookout for everyone else for two reasons. Firstly, I was always dead tired the next day, and I couldn't sleep in the daylight and secondly, it gave me way, way too much time to think. And I always thought about Sam. But, in that same respect, it gave me more time to think, and to sort out what I was thinking about Sam.

Like right then. I was thinking about what I now knew, and wasn't sure I should mention that I knew. Because…I didn't think he wanted me to. I didn't want to keep it from him, but at the same time, if he knew that I'd found out, I wasn't sure how he'd react. God, now I was talking in riddles. And I didn't even understand myself. Sometimes that man drove me crazy. Okay, so, he always drove me crazy, but sometimes it wasn't in a good way. Like right now. Right now, he was making me want to just…I didn't even know what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I didn't want to leave him.

I wasn't sure, though, what I wanted to do. I wanted to just sit down and talk to him, sort out most of our feelings. I just…I loved that man. My heart was in his hands, and he didn't even know it. It was a painful way to live, but…I'd deal with it. I sighed softly, and looked at Dean and Chloe. Their situation was painful, too. My eyes fell upon Chloe. She…wasn't sure if she loved Dean, but Dean…he was sure he loved her. I glanced back at Chloe. She was moving around a little, and her eyes fluttered open. I hadn't said anything, so she couldn't blame me for waking her up. "Hey, Chloe…"

She sat up and looked at me. "What's eating you, Rhys?" she asked as she ran a hand through her hair.

I looked from her to Sam, then back to her. "Um…can…I ask you for some advice?" I asked as I looked back at Sam's sleeping form.

She slowly pulled herself into a sitting position and then got up from the ground, then came up to sit beside me. "I can't guarantee it'll be good, since I've only been awake for not even a minute, but I'll try…" she spoke in true Chloe fashion.

I half-smiled and looked at the ground. "So…I know this secret that Sam is adamant on keeping secret. I'm sure you--"

She interrupted and ran a hand through her hair. "The…demon blood?" she asked, and half-smiled when she saw the shocked expression on my face. "I'm not supposed to know, but Dean told me because he said if the time ever came, he'd have to--"

I threw my hand into the air and shook my head. "No. I'm going to save him, so you don't have to worry about it. I don't care if I have to pay with my own soul, my own life, whatever. I'll save Sam…this isn't his destiny. He's not, like…supposed to become the Yellow Eyed Demon's pawn or anything. No. You know Sam. He has a good heart. The man's scared of clowns. He changes the channel so we don't know he's watching porn. He loves kids, he…he's just Sam. He can't be Demon pawn. He…can't."

She raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through her hair. "So, did you wake me up to tell me the finer points of Sam Winchester, or was there a reason?"

I sighed. "Should I tell him I know about the demon blood?" I asked with a sad sigh. "I mean, I've known since Fryeburg. And I think it's gonna drive me insane. But I don't want to make him push away from me, you know? I just don't know what to do…" I looked at Sam as he slept and sighed deeply.

Chloe nodded her head and put her hand on my arm. "Yes. I think it would be good for both of you, if he knew…because it can't be good for you to keep this in. I mean…if you want, at some point tomorrow, Dean and I can leave so you can talk to him alone…" she offered, showing me a half-smile.

I smiled at her and ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah…that…" I wasn't sure what to say, but I could start with this, "thanks, Chloe. I owe you one…"

She smiled and stood back up, making her way back over to her sleeping bag, crawling in. "So, that makes an all time…ninety-million that you owe me?" she asked as she covered herself over. "Night, Rhys."

"Night, Chloe…" I chuckled. I looked back at Sam's sleeping form, once again. So, tomorrow, Chloe would talk Dean into going somewhere, and Sam and I could talk this all out. Now, the question was…what the hell did I say?

And where the hell did I start?


	18. Chapter 18: All About the Wordplay

**R is for Ramshackle**

Most of the memories I have of hunting consist of sadness and drama and Sam or I defended the girls. But there was one instance I remembered as fun. I'd heard a noise outside of our little campsite, and tried sneaking out of the area, so Chloe wouldn't get the impulse to come with me. But, it hadn't worked. I'd made her be quiet, so we didn't wake Sam and Rhys up, and we made our way toward where the noise had come from. I had all these ideas as to what it was, making the noise. But Chloe was clinging to my arm, so I wasn't going to speak them aloud and freak her out. I tried not to laugh, though it was kind of difficult, since she was clung tightly to my arm. Some brave hunter. But I loved that about her.

She looked at the little house in the distance and then back at me. "What do you think it was, Dean?" she asked me with a shrug, concern spreading across her features.

I shrugged, too, and pulled my gun, then watched as she did the same. "I don't know. But it's in that…house…" I said simply, unable to describe the house before my eye.

Chloe, though, must have been talking to Sam and Rhys a lot more, though. "You mean, that ramshackle looking thing?" she asked me and pointed at the house. "I feel like I'm--"

I stopped her. "Ramshackle? Is that a porno term?" I asked as I turned and looked at her. It sounded like something out of a porno. "Someone shackled to the bed and someone else is ramming them?" I asked, laughing a little as I watched her face twist from annoyed to grumpy to amused. "What?" I threw my arms up defensively. "You mean to tell me that you don't think it sounds the least bit porny?"

She grinned and nodded her head. "It does, but, Dean! It means, like…old. Dilapidated. Creepy looking…" she drew her gun and walked toward the house. "So, what was the sound you heard?"

I tried to identify the sound. "It was like, a crashing noise. Sounded like glass breaking…" I drew my gun and followed behind Chloe. I watched her place her back to the wall outside of the house and peer in through the window. "Ramshackle…" I whispered, then chuckled lightly.

She turned her head and glared at me, an annoyed, yet amused look on her face, then shushed me. She turned her head and peered through the window again. "I don't see anything…" she whispered and turned toward the door. "Shall we bust up the party?"

I nodded and leaned against the wall on the other side of the door, watching as Chloe opened it, then looked in, aiming my gun at anyone within range. But…there was no one. I heard Chloe walking close behind me and felt the need to protect her from whatever this was. I reached into my pocked and pulled out my mini-flashlight, scanning the room over. Finally, my eyes fell upon what had made the noise, as I caught sight of a broken beer bottle on the floor, and a small squirrel in the corner. "Found it…"

Her eyes followed mine and she smiled a little. "Aw, look at the little guy…scared shitless…" she put her gun back at her hip and approached the squirrel. "He's so cute!" she leaned down and looked at him. "He was probably climbing around up there and knocked the plate over. So…can we go back to the campsite now?"

I nodded and watched her look at the squirrel. God, there was really something about that woman. Her sensitivity was beyond compare and right then it made me love her even more. I nodded and put my gun back at my hip. "Yeah. Let's go."

We started back toward the campsite, and on the way back, I paused momentarily, grinned and whispered, "ramshackle…" then giggled, and when Chloe's hand slapped against my arm, I couldn't help but laugh.


	19. Chapter 19: Your Head Will Explode

**S is for Spartan**

Bravery was so rare nowadays. Really. But dealing with things like what Sam was dealing with, alone, without anyone to make it seem like it was okay (I mean, sure, Dean knew, but let's face it, Dean wasn't exactly the consoling sort), must have been hard. I knew, but I still, even with Chloe's advice and help last night, wasn't sure I wanted to tell Sam that I knew, because I was unsure of how he'd react. I took a deep breath and looked at Dean and Chloe as they packed two bags to go on a hike, leaving Sam and I alone for countless hours on end. I looked nervously at Chloe, who simply smiled and walked over to me.

Dean and Sam were talking a little bit, which left me a little time to make sure that this was a good idea. "Chloe…I…"

"…am going to tell Sam that you know his secret today? I know you are…" she nodded her head and put her hand on my arm. "Trust me on this, okay? It's a good idea, and you and Sam will both feel a lot better for it…"

I nodded and sighed a little. "It's just…I remember how I felt after Sam found out I'd been hiding what happened with Brent from him, you know? I don't want Sam to feel like I did then. Ever. He doesn't deserve it," I looked over at Sam and frowned a little.

She shrugged and pulled her hair back. "So, he _does_ deserve to be kept in the dark, not knowing that we all know something he'd prefer to keep secret?" she asked as she buttoned her jacket. "Trust me. You'll both feel better when he knows that you know."

I watched her walk away, gather Dean from Sam, then put her backpack over her shoulders and then smile at me. I sighed, waved goodbye to Dean and then looked at Sam. He was brave. And Chloe was right. He didn't deserve being kept in the dark about this. I cleared my throat and took a couple steps toward him. But, before I could even open my mouth to speak, he ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "Can we go for a ride? Maybe…talk a little? Dean gave me the keys to the iImpala. I'd like to take advantage."

I nodded and bit my lower lip. "Yes. I'd like that a lot…" I spoke simply.


	20. Chapter 20: Calling Out From the Inside

**T is for Thief**

I watched as Chloe helped Rhys get the courage to talk to Sam, and looked at Sam with a half-smile. He'd asked me, between brothers, if I had fallen for Chloe. He told me that, if I told him, he couldn't tell Rhys until I talked to Chloe about it--if I ever did, and if I didn't, then he'd never tell Rhys. And since there was nothing else I could say to deny it any farther, I nodded my head. "Yes, okay? I do. I…love her. I've loved her for a while now. What the hell am I supposed to do, Sammy? I mean, she doesn't love me. She's my friend and…I mean, I love that we're friends. I wouldn't change it for a second. But I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life, you know? Pretend to be all right with the 'just friends' gig when I'm really…miserable?"

He turned around and looked at the girls, a slight sigh on his lips. "I know where you're coming from, Dean, okay? But trust me. Don't be like me here. It's not…it's not fun. Just tell Chloe how you feel, Dean. I mean, what could it hurt?" he shrugged his shoulders.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "A lot. My ego, for one. My friendship with Chloe is another. My sex life would probably take a huge blow, too. Need me to keep going?" I asked, glaring slightly at my brother. He really had no idea, did he? The woman had stolen my heart, and he didn't think it would be a big deal if she told me that she didn't love me…or didn't want me to love her.

He shook his head and sighed a little. "Okay, okay, you've made your point, dude. Well then, you're going to live in agony--"

I stopped him in mid-sentence and shook my head. "You can't preach about that," I said softly, noticing that Chloe was on her way over. "And now we should shut up…but I recommend that you take Rhys on a walk or a drive today, so that you guys can talk…" I told her as I handed him the keys to the Impala. "I'm sure there's a lot you two need to get out into the open…" I looked over at Rhys, who's eyes were fixated on Chloe, and I chuckled. The four of us had a really fucked up friendship. Or…possible future relationship in Rhys and Sam's case.

Chloe looked at me, brown eyes gleaming a little. "Ready to go, Dean?" she asked as she slung her backpack onto her shoulders.

I nodded, a little speechless as I looked at her. God, this love thing was really ridiculous. Chloe wasn't supposed to make me speechless. We were supposed to have a normal friendship, so that we could guide Sam and Rhys through their issues. But, God, this was getting difficult. I put my backpack over my shoulders and followed Chloe toward the trail.

"Just trust me…" Sam told me as we got off into the distance.

I put my finger to my lips and shushed him harshly. That was just like Sam, to ignore my wishes for him to just shut up and let it be because Chloe was there. "Trust him on what?" she whispered when we were barely out of earshot.

I shook my head. "Nothing. He's just…being stupid…" I lied. I wasn't even close to being ready to do this. Not yet. I wasn't…sure if I'd ever be ready.


	21. Chapter 21: With Such a Different Sight

**U is for Ugly**

We'd ridden along in silence for forty-five minutes, and I don't think either of us were quite ready to talk yet, but as I pulled over next to a river and got out of the car, I saw her look at me, like she had something to say. Those brown eyes were narrowed in thought, and her lips were in a straight line. This was it. I knew what was coming, but that didn't mean that I was going to bring it up. Rhys was my best friend, and putting the nail in the coffin of our friendship was not something I was up for. It was on her mind, yes. I wasn't going to say anything, though, because I couldn't handle it if things got messed up. I'd just avoid it until she talked.

She looked over at me from the passenger's seat, and sighed. "Sam. We need to talk," she looked at me deliberately, as though this was going to happen that day, and whatever I said or did couldn't avoid it.

I bit my lower lip. No good conversation ever began with 'we need to talk,' but if we were going to not be friends anymore, than she deserved a chance to walk away without me being selfish and begging her to stay. "Okay. What's on your mind, Rhys?" I asked, a sad expression on my face, preparing for and expecting the worst.

She looked out the window, probably trying to think of the best way to let me down easy. That was Rhys for you. Always thinking about how to make it hurt less, even when it was supposed to hurt more. "Why didn't you tell me about your demon blood, Sam? Did you…think I wouldn't find out?" she asked sadly.

That expression on her face was killing me. Hurt and concern mixed together in a cocktail of 'make Sam want to die of guilt.' How in the hell was I supposed to answer that? "Because I…" I paused. _Am an asshole? Don't deserve you as a friend? What, Sam? What about you? This isn't about you. Well, it is, but not in that way._

She put up her hands as if to say 'what?' and raised an eyebrow. "What? Because you what?" she ran a hand through her hair and stared hard at me.

I swallowed hard and looked out the window. "Because I didn't think I could afford the risk of losing you. That's also why I never told you that I--" I paused. _Shut UP Sam, shut up! Way to fail at pretty much every secret you were ever supposed to keep! Jesus fucking Christ!_ I hoped she'd let it be. But I knew Rhys. She wouldn't.

She scoffed. "Losing me? Sam, I know the REAL you, okay? I know that you don't have any true evil inside you. I know you better than that. You have the biggest heart of anyone I have known in my life, so that's a lame fucking reason to hide this from me for--wait…" she paused. So, she had caught on. "Tell me what?"

I closed my hands tightly. "N-nothing. It was…"

She shook her head and threw her hand up. "No, no, it was something Sam. Or else you wouldn't be trying to cover it up. You should know by now that there's nothing you can't--" she paused and rolled her eyes. "Never mind, Sam. If you don't know it now, you're never going to see," she reached for the door handle. She was going to leave me. She'd rather be in the middle of nowhere than be with me. But, could I blame her?

I put my hand on her shoulder and watched her turn around. "I told you you'd fucking leave me. I knew you were going to leave when you found out. I'm a freak Rhys. I wouldn't blame you if you just walked away and never thought twice about it. I'm sorry I…lied to you…" I let her arm go and looked away. I didn't want to see her walk away, but I felt her hand on my chin, steering me back around.

She stopped dead in her tracks and shook her head. "No, you're right Sam. I did promise I wouldn't leave you. I'm…sorry. This is just…you should know by now that there's nothing you can't say to me…you know that I'll always be on your side, Sam…" she let her hands fall back to her sides. "Listen to me. I don't care if you have demon blood in you. I'll save you. I'll do anything. I just…" she bit her lip.

I looked at that look on her face as she stared into space, and I think my brain went dead, because the next thing I knew, I had her face in my hands, and I was pressing my lips to hers. And…she wasn't pushing away? I pulled her to me and ran my hands through her hair, and sunk into the kiss fully when I felt her hands on my back. Was this…was it right? I pulled away and looked into her eyes, watching her face for any sort of trepidation or hesitation. But there was none. I was about to ask her if it was okay when she pulled my face to hers and mashed our lips together.

And the next thing I knew, we were crawling over our seats and into the back, and Rhys was straddling my hips, still kissing me. Dean would kill us if he ever found this out, but right then, I'd face any consequence I had to, so long as this kept up. "So…does this mean I'm forgiven?" I asked playfully as I felt her hands playing at the buttons on my shirt.

She grinned at me and huffed out a sigh. "Shut up, Sam," she spoke softly as she dropped my shirt to the floor and ran her hands along my shoulders, pressing her lips to mine again.

I grinned into the kiss and pulled her t-shirt off, running my hand along her cheek. "Rhys? Before we do this, can I tell you something?" I asked. I figured, since we were about to do something I'd fantasized about on numerous nights alone, I wanted to make sure that she was really in this for love, and not just sex. She nodded and I continued. "I…love you. Like, Jess and Ethan type love you. I have loved you since the first time we spoke, after Jess…you know. I mean, the way you were just so…you…about it. I fell in love right then and there."

She clutched me tightly and pressed her lips against mine again, and I wasn't sure what that meant, but I liked it. She pulled back from the kiss and looked into my eyes. "Sam, I have Jess and Ethan type loved you since senior year, okay? I swear. When we accidentally kissed on prom night? And I felt more than I ever did with Ethan? Yes, Sam, I knew then. I love you to this fucking day. I…love you so much my heart could explode."

I didn't know what to say, so I simply pulled her back to me and continued what we'd been doing. When there was no barrier between us, all I could think to do was stare. She was even more beautiful with nothing to hide. "I've…waited for this moment for so long…" I whispered.

She nodded and slowly, artfully, lowered herself onto me, sending a sensation flying through my whole body. This was…incredible. And our motions matched and contrasted perfectly, and I swear, this was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It seemed like it had been a couple of seconds, but it had actually been close to five minutes, when I felt my body beginning to tense up. "Oh God…I…" I whispered, and I heard her whimper, then felt her body tense around me, and I threw my head back. "I…Rhys, I…I love you!"

She buried her face in my shoulder and clung to me tightly. "I…love you too, Sam…" she whispered, simply laying entwined with me for a few seconds. After a minute or so of just lying there, she looked at me, a bit of surprise on her face. "That…really just happened, didn't it?"

I grinned and nodded my head. "I half expected to wake up on the ground in my sleeping bag. But, it did…and I meant every word of what I said…"

She grinned, too, and nodded her head. "I did too. Every single word…" she stared into my eyes and pressed a kiss to my lips. And in that moment, I felt…full. In my heart, I mean. I felt like it could burst. "But," she interrupted the moment. "We should get to a store and…get some Febreze incense or something to make the Impala smell less…like sex."

I laughed and grabbed our pile of clothes from the floor, beginning to sort them out. "Yeah. Dean will kill us if he knows what happened…" I looked at Rhys again, and grabbed her before she could pull her panties on, pressing another kiss to her lips. She smiled, but looked inquisitively at me. "Just, you know, to make sure this is…real."

She smiled and started to get dressed. "It's real, Sam. I promise."

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "I know. I love you, Rhys."

She beamed. "I love you too, Sam."


	22. Chapter 22: Last Chance to Feel Alright

**V is for Vex**

I leaned against a tree and took a drink of water, then looked at Chloe as she sat on the ground, not even bothering to look for a rock or something to lean against. Sam…may have been right. I may have just gone insane if I didn't try to tell her then. I searched my brain for the right thing to say, but nothing was coming. Still, these moments, where it was just she and I, and nothing else, aside from maybe some bugs and a bunch of trees…I lived for them. At least, I had ever since I'd realized how I felt about her. I noticed that she'd looked up at me, and I smiled. "You look…really good today, Chloe."

She raised her eyebrow and looked at me like I had two heads. "Huh? I don't know what you're talking about, Dean. I don't even have any makeup on and I look like I just put my hair up as soon as I rolled out of bed. But…thanks anyway?" she spoke in uncertainty.

_How does Sam do this? How does…anyone do this? Chloe, I love you…Chloe I think I might be in love with you. Chloe I…shit, this is hard…_I tried to sort my thoughts out, but nothing was coming. "Chloe I…" I paused, when I realized that it had come out of my mouth, rather than staying in my mind. I decided to play it off. "…forgot what I was going to say…"

She chuckled and looked at me, somewhat unsurprised. "Good one, slick…" she reached into her backpack and took out a water bottle, chugging some quickly. "So, do you have any idea where we're going? Or is this just a typical Dean Winchester random whim of hiking?"

I shook my head and looked the other way, down the path. "There's this really cool hill that overlooks the town to the east. I thought maybe we could hike up it…it's a nice spot to just sit and relax for a little while…" I shrugged my shoulders, then paused, realizing how…date-ish that sounded. "Unless you think that's lame."

She shook her head and stood up. "No, not lame. It sounds nice. And if no one else is there…maybe something else can happen…" she wiggled her eyebrows and ran a hand through her hair.

I half-smiled, but inside I wanted to throw myself into a hole and bury myself. "Maybe," I said softly. I'd chickened out again. And Sam was going to kill me when he found out. But I continued the rest of the hike as normally as I could, until we got to the base of the hill, then I stopped in my tracks. I…wasn't going to pass this up. I had to tell her. "Chloe. Wait. I have to talk to you. I…there's something I need to tell you."

She turned to me with an eyebrow raised again, and it felt like there were a million spotlights on me. "I…um…" I bit my lower lip. The words were easier to say in my head. "Fuck it. I have to say it. I love you, Chloe. I wasn't sure about it until a couple weeks ago, but yeah, I'm sure. I do. I love you. I never feel like I do when we're together. I…"

Chloe bust out laughing, and she looked at me like I had two heads. "Yeah right, Dean. You're fucking kidding right? Because that…doesn't sound like you. The Dean I know would--"

I crossed my arms and shook my head. "No. I'm not kidding, so maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did, Chloe. I love you. I feel like--" I was interrupted by her throwing her hand into the air and stopping me.

"I don't want to hear it, Dean, okay?" she took a couple of steps backward, and I followed her, but she shook her head. "No. Just…leave me alone. I think…it's best if we don't…talk to each other for a few days. I…have to go back to the campsite."

I tried to say something to stop her, but she was gone. I sat on the ground and huffed out a sigh. "Yeah, that fucking worked splendidly. Thanks for the brilliant advice, Sam and Rhys. Really. Fuck…" I stood up and walked, slowly, back to the campsite, so Chloe wouldn't think I was following her. This taught me a good life lesson. Love was pain, and there was nothing I could do about it.


	23. Chapter 23: Said the Words I Never Show

**W is for Whilom**

Former friends. Well, yes, we were still friends. But now, we were even more. Former was a bittersweet word, kind of. It was sweet for Sam and I. Very sweet. But for Dean and Chloe? Who needed the sanctity of one another's friendship more than ever? It was equally as bitter. I don't think Chloe realized what she was doing to Dean. And ever since that night, I'd seen sides of Dean that I never had before. That I never wanted to see. The poor man was going through hell, and there was nothing to blame but Chloe. Well, Sam and I were to blame, too. But only slightly. It was mostly Chloe's fault. I sighed and approached Chloe. "What did you say?" I asked, looking from her to Dean.

She looked at me, annoyance on her face. "I didn't say anything. I told him that…well, I told him the truth. I didn't want to hear it. And I didn't believe him. He doesn't love people, Rhys. You know that as well as I do."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Sam, who was trying to talk to his brother, only to get the cold shoulder. I scoffed at Chloe. "Does that look like someone who doesn't care? Seriously, Chloe. He won't even talk to Sam!" I watched as Sam walked over. "Seriously, I don't see how you could think that Dean would say something like that without reason. I mean, he's not that type of guy."

Sam joined into the conversation and nodded his head. "I'm with Rhys on this one, Chloe. Dean…he loves you, okay? I mean…he's been in hell since you guys got back from your hike. He's barely gotten his ass out of bed. You need to…talk to him."

She glared at us and then looked at Dean, and I think I saw a pang of sympathy flash into her eyes. "I don't need to do anything, okay? It's not my fault I didn't fall for his fucking lie!" she stood up and walked off. And, with that, there was nothing else Sam and I could do.

I sighed and looked up at Sam, leaning forward and putting my head on his shoulder. "Remind me again why we care so much about those two getting together? It's only causing us massive stomachaches…" I chuckled and sighed once again.

He leaned down and whispered, "Maybe we just feel we need to make it up to Dean for what happened in his car…" he winked and stuck his tongue out, and I couldn't help but smile and laugh at that.

I nodded. "Yeah, that could be it," I spoke simply, sighing a little.


	24. Chapter 24: He's a Beautiful Disaster

**X is for Xanadu**

I wasn't sure what to think. I mean, Sam and Rhys knew what they were talking about, maybe, and they certainly had a point in the fact that Dean had been distant with everyone since the hiking trip. But then again, I'd all but laughed in his face when he'd told me that he loved me. But…it was comical, right? I mean, he didn't love me. He couldn't, because it wasn't his style. I knew Dean and it…wasn't him. Not at all. Not even close. Whenever he'd told a woman that he loved them, it was just to get them in bed, and then he never called them. Called them…well, even if he didn't call me, we were still stuck together. We traveled the country together, in a car. Not a van. Or a bus. We were stuck together. I sighed and leaned back against the tree Dean had been leaning against on our walk the other day. What in the hell was I supposed to do?

I mean, I'd already fucked up royally. Even if I wanted to fix things, I was sure Dean wouldn't be so willing. That was just…the way he was. I bit my lower lip and made my way back to the campsite. The general consensus was that I needed to talk to him. Because if he had meant it, and I'd gone and assed everything up, hurting Dean and making myself miserable at the same time, I'd probably want to throw myself off a cliff. I mean, had he really done anything to lead me to believe that he didn't mean it? I sighed and picked myself up off the ground, making my way back to the camp site to see if I had some picking up to do. Which, most likely, I did.

The more I thought about it, the more Dean was always someone I felt at home with. He was always someone that I felt that I could be myself with. And on a few occasions, I had imagined loving him. But I'd always ruled it out. Always filed it under that little bank labeled 'impossible' in my mind. Because…it was. It had to be. But now, after all that time spent trying to deny, I was finding out that it may not be? I hated that I was making this comparison, but Dean was my Xanadu. My safe place to hide after a long, hard day. Maybe…it was supposed to be this way. I sighed as I neared the site.

Rhys and Sam were sitting around the fire, having one of their little artsy writing binges, and I looked at where Dean had been laying, only to see that he wasn't there anymore. And the Impala was gone, too. I sighed deeply and approached Sam and Rhys. "Where did…where'd Dean go?" I asked as Iran a hand through my hair.

Rhys shrugged her shoulders. "He got up and said that he needed to take a drive. He was probably sick and tired of just laying there, you know?" she asked me.

I nodded, sighed and moved my sleeping bag back over to the side of the fire that Dean was sleeping on, hoping that he'd get the idea that I wanted things back to normal, wanted to find out what he meant, when he got back. "Tell him to wake me up when he gets back, okay? I…need to talk to him."

Sam and Rhys both nodded, and I closed my eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. Probably a side affect of losing all this sleep over this whole thing with Dean.


	25. Chapter 25: You're Everything to Me

**Y is for Yin**

So he wasn't perfect. I didn't care. We sat on the riverbed, with our feet in the water, just enjoying one another's company, and it gave me a lot of time to sort out the whirlwind that had gone down over the past couple of days. Not that I would change it if I could. No way. Because Sam and I were in love. And were going to spend the rest of our lives together, even if I had to sell my soul to the stupid Yellow Eyed Demon to make it so.

So, Sam wasn't exactly perfect. He wasn't the portrait of a flawless man. At least, not the standard portrait of perfection. But to me? He was. People wouldn't consider him the 'ideal' man. But people were stupid. Sam had a heart of gold. And an amazing, kind soul. He cried at chick flicks and wrote poetry when he was in love. He fantasized about weddings and celebrating anniversaries. He was gentle and adored children. Wanted enough to start his own soccer team. I wasn't sure where we were getting all those kids, though, because I certainly wasn't having all of them.

I sighed and looked back toward the campsite. I felt horrible for Chloe and Dean, because they…really loved each other, and they were both too stubborn to admit it. Chloe was a good person. She deserved to be with Dean, because he certainly made her happier than anyone else in her life had. She sighed. If there was ever a time where she wished she had the answer for everything, that was it. She looked at Sam, and put her hand on his. "Sam, have I ever told you that you're my one sanity on this planet?" I asked, and when he turned his head to look at me, the smile on his face made it…go away.

"No, but I'm glad to know. You're mine, too, Rhys," he kissed me on the cheek and held me close. It was kind of odd how everything had changed, but nothing had changed at the same time. Sam Winchester was not completely perfect. But that's definitely fine with me, because I loved him exactly as he was.


	26. Chapter 26: I'm Willing to Give it a Try

_Thank you to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who commented. Seriously. This story is like my child, and I hope the ending is suitable._

**Z is for Zombie**

I slowly pulled myself from the sleeping bag as I heard the Impala make it's way down the trail and stop at the campsite. Dean was back. Good, because I had a few things that I needed to say. Well, actually, only one, but I was sure it would turn into a few. I walked toward him and bit my lip. He looked like…a shell of himself. No Dean grin, no confident air in his step, none of it. He looked like one of the walking dead. Okay, so, maybe he had meant it. But, there as just as much of a chance that he hadn't, right? Because this was Dean, not Sam. So, I had to know. "Dean, can we talk?" I asked, though I knew I didn't deserve the chance to, with the way I'd handled it before.

He shrugged and walked past me, taking a seat on the log we'd set up next to the fire pit and getting started on a fire. "I guess, if you're ready to talk again. What do you want?" he asked, obviously hurt. Never before had I seen Dean's face like that. And I didn't like it.

I took a seat next to him, close enough for him to notice that I was there, but not so close that he would be weirded out, or more confused than he already was. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for how I acted the other day. Really. But, you have to understand why I would think that, Dean. I mean, it isn't exactly…YOU to fall in love. You're…not really the type. Did you think I was just going to act like Rhys and fall into your arms?" I asked. I was sure he hadn't expected that, but…I figured it was a good way to get an answer.

He scoffed and kept his eyes on the fire pit. "Well, no. But, I didn't think you'd walk away. You were the last person I ever expected to walk away from me, Chloe. I mean…" he was speechless, which was new for Dean. He always had some sarcastic remark to give when we talked like this. Something to make the situation a little calmer. "And, I know it's not believable, Chloe. But…it's true. Don't you remember when we were in that abandoned cabin? And…I said it?"

I remembered the night, yes. How in the hell could I forget, really? I'd been so weirded out when he said it that I wondered for a little while if it was really true. "I do, yes. But I thought you only said it because you were getting off. I mean…I know you've never said that before, but…there's a first time for everything and…" I wasn't making sense. I shook my head and sighed. "Dean, listen. I'm really sorry. And I know I really hurt you and don't deserve to be forgiven. But imagine being in my shoes, and all of a sudden having me come out and tell you that I loved you. What would you do?"

He shook his head and looked at me, hurt still in his eyes. "Not what you did, Chloe. At all. I wouldn't run off and accuse you of lying. And I definitely wouldn't not talk to you for three fucking days. I don't think it's what happened that hurt. It's not talking for three days that was the nail in the coffin."

I bit my lip. I deserved that. "Well, I've been thinking. And talking to Sam and Rhys. And thinking some more. And, I was thinking that maybe…we…made sense. I mean, we already to all the things couples do, right? We talk, kiss, have sex, hang out, laugh at each other's jokes and look out for each other, right? Maybe uh…we could take a leap of faith and…call us a…couple?" I looked at the ground, at my shoes, and wondered how they stayed that unEarthly shade of white in all the dirt and mud I walked through. Then, I looked back up at Dean, who had a little bit of a grin on his face.

"Really?" he asked, a little nervously.

I nodded. "I mean, I don't really know…what love is, but…I figure, whatever it is, I must feel it for you. Because, I mean…you're the one person on the planet that I would lay my life on the li--" I didn't get to finish my sentence, because Dean's lips engulfed mine, and for the first time, we shared a kiss that I didn't think would lead to sex. And when we pulled away, and he looked into my eyes, I think I realized what love was. Love was…Dean Winchester. "I…love you, Dean."

He stared at me and blinked his eyes quickly. "But I thought…"

I grinned. "And that is why I do all the thinking. Because what you're supposed to say right there is 'I love you too, Chloe,'" I stuck my tongue out at him.

He smiled and put his hand on mine. "I love you too, Chloe."

"IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!" I heard Rhys' voice chiming up from the tree line. She and Sam were apparently done with mushy romance hour, just in time to pick on Dean and I.

Sam nodded in agreement. "I swear to god, if I had to deal with one more day of angst ridden Dean and Chloe, I was liable to frigging run the Impala into a tree and blame Chloe."

I scoffed. "Fuck off, Sam!" I leaned sideways, leaning my head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean half-smiled and looked at Sam. "You know, I noticed on my drive that the Impala smelled strangely of a combination of Febreze and sex. So…what happened on that nice little…ride…you guys took?" he asked with a small grin on his face. Good. Dean was back.

Sam and Rhys exchanged horrified glances and then looked back at Dean. "Um…so, yeah. We were just coming to tell you that we were going for a walk. Be back uh…later." Sam whispered as he and Rhys rushed off.

Dean chuckled, but he had a disgusted look on his face. "They ruined the sanctity of my Impala with their Sexcapades. Disgusting."

I half-smiled and ran my hand through his hair, feeling pretty good about myself and my life at that point. "I know. How dare they?"

This was…a new beginning. For all four of us. A life on the run and romances blooming. We hardly led normal lives, but that was fine, because we would take the ones we had, anyday.

**FIN**


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